The Real Me

Is still broken, in a good way, and completely fragile. In a couple of weeks, I have been asked to sing  for our Canvas event at the church. It will be the first time in almost a year since I have taken to that black wood. Yes, I am having to really work up the courage for that moment. That's the real me right now. I have been back on medication for a couple of weeks now and am almost completely functional on my own. I am still off of all ms medications, going on 2 months now. Praise God.

Chad and I are in an unbelievable place spiritually with all of this. We are confident that we made the right the decision to go back on the benzo drug, but are also still confident that Jesus is the only way out of all of this. He is the only answer on the other side. We are just masking the symptoms but we really need Him to heal me through and through and show us our next steps in this journey.

We have come to a new level in the matter of fear and doubt. We are still standing and believing that no matter what my body says, I am healed of ms! I am grateful to be able to function and am in no rush to do the things that seem to want to pressure me...like driving or even just being on my own for a whole day with my precious boys. God's timing is perfect and His grace is perfectly sufficient.

The real me is having to rebuild my confidence and my trust in what this body can do. Then I remember this verse Philippians 4:13, " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." We have all heard this verse a million times. But here's what I hear the Holy Spirit saying to me through it today. I can do all things through Him...who strengthens me. So if it's not through Him then I can't do it. If it is through Him, then I will have all the strength and the courage I need to accomplish that which is in front of me.

I need this reminder everyday as I hear the Holy Spirit prompting me to take steps forward. Joshua 1:9, " Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Do not be terrified...do not be discouraged, He is with me wherever I go. Wow, peace just floods every part of me as this word is living and active in me.

Transparent as I can be, the real me is moving onward and trying to advance God's Kingdom in the midst of what seems to be such a hopeless mess. I know that when I am weak, He is strong.