When I've Done All I Can Do And There's Nothing Left To Prove

Broken Things was gonna be the title of my post today, but instead it's a line from a song by Sarah Reeves called Broken Things. A song that has been touching me so deeply over the last few weeks. So much that when I hear it, all I can do is weep because it is right where I am 100%. This is one of the reasons I know that I will be singing this song one day :-), yes the fact that I can't breathe when I hear it because the Holy Spirit ministers to my very core so much that I can't speak. Here is a link to the song and the lyrics to go with it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jsEKXE-B3w

Verse 1: 
Here at the altar of the broken things
I'm finally throwing down this mirror of me 
When I've done all I can do and there's nothing left to prove
And I just need You

Chorus: 
I'm totally, completely dependent upon You 
I'm totally, completely dependent upon You

Verse 2: 
 Here at the place of empty vessels
I'm pouring out this heart of selfish ambition
When there's no more options left 
And I'm nothing but a mess
Well, that's when You're best

Verse 3:
When there's no words left to say
And there's nothing left to pray
I'll just wait...

Chorus 2: 
Cause You're totally, completely faithful to me
Cause You're totally, completely faithful to me

I can't even type these out without crying. Every word is right on for where I am, it's awesome. God is so faithful when we are completely broken for him. "When's there's no words left to say and there's nothing left to pray, I'll just wait..." Can't tell you how many times a day I could say this line.

I am doing a lot of breaking and waiting, breaking and waiting. Friday of last week, my neurologist called me in for a last minute visit because of some symptoms I have been experiencing over the last couple of weeks. I am still in the midst of weaning off of the medication that is so bad for me to be on long term. This particular symptom has been affecting my breathing and my mobility. Not fun to say the least. I dealt with it for about 2 weeks before I called the doctor. Chad and I locked ourselves in our room yesterday morning and just prayed for wisdom and we had a great peace about seeing what the doctors had to say. As of last night, I am on a familiar oral steroid treatment with the hopes that it will get my body back to where it needs to be. You have no idea how badly I want to just be able to just totally and completely be dependent on God's supernatural power. I want Him to heal me just by His Word being medicine to every part of me.

On Friday, my emotions were all over the map. On our way to the doctor, waiting to see the doctor, seeing the doctor...just tears. The thing that rose up in me and that I vocalized to Chad is that I am so tired of the enemy stealing from us so many things during this season. The things that I know are absolute God things. That's all the enemy comes to do is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). He comes to steal our desires, dreams, our health you name it and then he kills and destroys all of it until they can't be resurrected. I feel like I have been on guard for 8 years so that this wouldn't happen and then I started getting weak physically and spiritually and could not combat him.

The good news....I've never been stronger in my life in the spirit and I finally have a new strength to fight him because the Word of God is living and active in my life like never before! We all have to run after God and access His grace and His strength to be able to live the abundant life that He has for us. He paid a great price for it. I am so in love with Him...

One more thing, with all of this going physically, Chad has been given an amazing opportunity this weekend to go and serve in his expertise at one of our Every Nation churches in Augusta, GA and I am going with him. We are even leaving our precious boys with family so that we can go do this together. With everything physically going on with me, I started to get discouraged that I might not be able to make the trip. But Chad and I are determined to not allow the enemy to steal this from us. So, if you will, please pray for us this weekend. In our going and our coming.

"When there's no more options left and I'm nothing but a mess...well, that's when You're best."