In Focus

That's the name of the church we were at all weekend, but I titled my post today that because I feel like God is putting more into focus for me. This weekend was...amazing. Let me explain. I actually felt physically horrible...weaning from a steroid, weaning from all the other medications that I am on...staying in a hotel, which was wonderful, but still not my bed. Eating out and encountering all of my food allergies head on. I won't mention the worst of it...it would be too much information!

It was a great weekend because I overcame and did what Chad and I knew needed to happen. I needed to obey and go and not allow the enemy to steal from us yet another opportunity to be apart of advancing His kingdom in whatever ways we can. I honestly felt like I felt at the beginning of this 8 month journey, like I needed to be in a hospital bed somewhere. But God brought me to a very peaceful and trusting place with Him this weekend. He totally sustained me and even though I felt a little tortured, I was more graced and happy to be right where I was. I wasn't fearful of what was going on with my body, wasn't fearful as to whether or not God would come through for me. I just had... peace. That passes all of my understanding believe me.

What God really brought into focus for me is that as I have been laying everything down about myself and just surrendering to His perfect will for my life, He gives me the strength to follow through in the things that He wants me doing. In other words, He is ordering my every step...EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LIKE I AM LIMPING! I feel like the sweet Olympian Kerri Strug! One of the most courageous things I have ever seen as a child, where she did her vault with pretty much a mutilated foot and stuck it perfect!

 You see, there's a book that I was reminded of, Leading with a Limp by Dan Allender. I need to go and read it once again, because I believe that may be my next step. I have been leading to an extent from this box that I have been in. But I have a feeling that God is increasing my boldness to do more leading, even though I feel like I am limping worse than I ever have. So I am really praying through that.

I don't want to do anything out of the motivation of proving something to myself, or the enemy or anybody. I just want to do what God is saying. He is so good and He proved to me, when He didn't have to, that He can still use me even though I feel like I don't have a body that wants to work.

I am really asking God to show me and open those doors and opportunities for me to take that bold step of faith. There's something to this whole dying to yourself thing...it works and God has His way and there's a peace and courage that takes over you in the midst of it. And believe me I know the difference when I am faking it to make it and when it is truly the grace and the favor of God on my life. That's what I felt this weekend.

I wish I could say that my body feels amazing and is perfectly whole in the physical. Even though it isn't quite yet, and I honestly don't know when it will be, but God's Word tells me it will be and that's all I need to know. And in the meantime, I am going to keep surrendering and allowing God to use me despite and just know that He is gonna meet me there every. single.time.

Thanks again for all the love and prayers while we were away, they were felt. We are happy to be back home with our babies and I am happy to be home in my little comfy corner on the couch. If you feel weak in any area of your life...just surrender and see what God does. There is no way you will be disappointed.