Not Again! Back to the Beginning...

Well, not exactly, but it sure does FEEL like it. Those of you who have been on this journey with Chad and I know the journey and the process. It all began with the process of ridding of us from fear and doubt. When I say we are back to the beginning I must explain. We have grown tremendously over this last year and gained back so much ground physically, spiritually and emotionally. By no means is this 2012!

Here's where I find myself over the last 3 months...extreme vertigo, that is starting to be intermittent (praise God!), burning nerves, neuropathy all over my body some days it feels like worms are invading my body, some new things, but mostly old things, but just things that want to rob my knowing that Jesus loves me, to rob my joy and my peace. I have continued to use the Word to fight. I will never stop doing this and yet here's the thought that brings me to my point:

I don't doubt anymore that God CAN do the things that He has promised(maturity, I hope ;), but I have found myself recently doubting whether or not He WILL do or WANTS to do the things He has promised.

While I know that I am on the road to recovering, it's just crazy to me that these things still are sticking around. There are just some things that never go away, some things that keep returning no matter what I do. It can just be outright discouraging sometimes. It can leave a girl kind of hopeless, you know? This is why I have to live and breathe the Word or it would be 2012 all over again.

So, I am not writing without an answer to this craziness! Finally yesterday through our pastor's message and through some amazing encouraging words from an amazing friend and weeks of staying in the Word and not backing off, I got peace, despite what my body is walking through right now.

I really felt the Holy Spirit speak to me and tell me that He's got this, that because I am in the center of His perfect will, nothing can touch me that He doesn't allow. This was part of the message yesterday. Philippians 4:6-7, "  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." This is a scripture that I confess every morning and put into action. I know this is one of the reasons that I don't totally crumble. 

Then a friend reminded me of some of my own words that I sent along to them...Ephesians 6:13-14 talks about putting on the full armor of God so that when evil comes we can stand firm. "Having done all to stand, keep standing." More confirmation that God's got me and that I need to keep standing in the firm belief that God has healed this body and restoration is still in place. That Jesus will not leave me or forsake me in this process. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A FEELING BUT A STATE OF MIND! Would I like for it to be a feeling??? UM, yes please. And I pray that is on it's way. 

Hebrews 10:36, " For you need endurance, so that after you have done God's will, you may receive what was promised." 

I am going to keep enduring, I want to see this through, I want to see His promises alive and active. Don't get me wrong, I have seen them, some of them, but I want to see all the promises that God has laid out for me and died for, don't you? 

Here's what I know, God is faithful, God is love and because of His Word not only CAN He fulfill His promises for me, He also WANTS to restore me, He WANTS to fulfill His promises to me. 

So no matter what we feel or think, God's Word doesn't change and neither does He. I am going to keep trusting and rejoice that even though it feels like nothing is changing, He never does therefore I must be changing! Perfect peace, forward progress, God is God and He is faithful and good.