UPDATE!!! "Balancing" Trusting God and His Love

Pun intended! I just landed on the couch after an almost 3 week process of trying to pinpoint why I have been experiencing vertigo for almost 6 years now and non-stop for the last 5 months. The results are finally in and I just couldn't wait to share them with all of you that have been praying and standing with us in this journey.

Let's break it down. In my last blog, I explained that the ENT pointed out that she pinpointed 2 things related to my inner ear that she says is causing the vertigo. The first was the crystals in my ear, the second was to be determined by 3 hours of lab tests that I had done on Valentine's Day and actually had to finish the last one this morning before getting the results of all the tests.

Results are in:

1. I had physical therapy for the crystals in my ear and per their follow up with me, it worked!

Now, since I saw them for this therapy, I have gotten increasingly worse! Funny, right? Well apparently this is because of the secondary issue which is...drum roll please...

2. It doesn't have a name! But it does have an explanation. We found out today that my right ear is 21% off from my left ear. Which stated directly from the ENT, " That is a huge drop." Which means with every movement and I mean every movement, my left ear says one thing and my right ear says something completely different therefore resulting in the walls holding me up! This is why reading, typing, weather changes, walking in the grocery store, walking around my house, driving and or moving of any kind only makes things worse. Also, cold fronts, warm fronts, tropical storms, hormones(the original onset of this was 3 months after I had Parker, hormone shift,possibly the root)...all the things I have been saying for the last 6 years, " Why do I feel soooo bad when...". Question answered, finally.

I know what you are thinking, " How is this good?" Oh, just let me tell you, it's not just good, it's awesome!

Action Plan:

Physical therapy is what works best for this. There are medications, but it's the medication I am already on, LOL, right? Obviously not working. There are others but my doc says physical therapy first, which Chad and I agree with, although it is not an immediate relief solution, it will cause long term relief. So we are waiting on  Brooks Rehab to call us and set up an evaluation where they will design a program just for me. I will have to go in 1 to 3 times a week (praying just the one, because I am young and active and will be able to do all the exercises here at home as well) to do all the exercises that will re-calibrate my body!

Now, how is this awesome? I haven't even told you the best part yet. You all know that Chad and I fully believe that God has healed me of ms. You also know that we are flesh and that every little opportunity for us to doubt is still thrown at us daily. This is where the title of this blog will make since. 4 weeks ago, I was still able to drive and while I was driving over the bridge for the first time in like 4 months, God and I had a little conversation that went like this:

God: "Mandy, do you trust Me?"
Me: "Yes God, I trust You."
God: "Mandy, do you trust My love for you?"
Me: (nice long pause) "Actually God, I can't say that I fully do."

Yeah, I didn't know that was coming either. But that conversation sent me into another part of this journey that I am cherishing. It's really hard for those of us who struggle day in and day out with torture and torment in our minds, our bodies, our emotions, whatever it may be to see through all of that a LOVING God. I'm not sure I even need to explain why, but I will a little. The question is, why would a LOVING God allow me to suffer so much? You get it. Well I get it. And I know why so no worries, but some days it's still really hard to trust that God's love is perfect despite what's going on.

As I have submitted to the Holy Spirit and am now learning how to not only trust God, but to trust His love for me, things are happening. And it's awesome.

In regards to ms...the ENT pulled all of my previous MRI's and during the balance testing they were looking for certain things geared towards ms and guess what? My doc looked me in the eyes when she walked with us to check out and said to me (and I am crying typing this right now), " Mandy, I was looking for ms and I couldn't find it." Cue me about to break down right in front of everyone and embarrass myself. She then looked at me and hugged me and said, " I know you needed to hear that. I know you are struggling and we are going to take care of you." An angel sent from heaven. Yes, I believe she is a sold out christian. She knows where Chad and I stand and what we've been through and God has used her mightily.  God didn't have to prove Himself to Chad and I in that moment, but He did. If that's not love, I don't know what is. Honestly, He already did enough by sacrificing His life for me.

Romans 8:37-39, " But in all these things we are completely victorious through God who showed His love for us. Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Zephaniah 3:17," The Lord your God is with you; the Mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you.You will rest in His love; He will sing and be joyful about you."

There are so many more scriptures and promises that I could lay out before you to try and prove how amazing this moment is for us, but this is getting way to long and you have better things to do! 

Another giant leap. Please keep praying with us. Stand in agreement with us for this: 

1. That God will continue to sustain me. 
2. That this therapy will work and that it will be quicker than expected for it to work! 
3. That we will continue to recover and move forward and keep trusting the love of God. 

Love you all so much, God is so good and I can't wait to see MORE of His goodness in the land of the living!