New Year's Day Cliche

Blogging today does feel like a total cliche. Everyone is talking about new beginnings, new thoughts...well...just new everything. It's funny, I woke up this morning overwhelmed and completely finding my mind overtaken by the enemy with all the unanswered questions, with everything that I can't escape physically. It's just like the enemy to try and come and steal the last day of this year from me.

My amazing husband prayed me through it and then I had a little come to Jesus meeting while getting ready for the day. And the rest of this day has been amazing! We have family here and more fun to come this week along with some hard life things as well. We've gained so much this year, but loss will not go away.

I would like to say that I have some amazing revelation going into the new year, but I don't. I have the same revelation that I've had all year. God's Word has to stay living and active in my life and I have to be in constant submission to the Holy Spirit as my amazing Helper. 

For those of you who want an update on my mri that I had last week, it did show a small lesion on my brain but the doctors said that what I am experiencing physically should not be coming from that. So because we didn't get the scan from the bottom half of my neck down my spine we don't know if it was coming from that. Long story short, we decided to do another 3 day course of steroids but this time it has been better because of the adrenal medication. I have still had a week of craziness coming off of them, but am gaining strength each day.

I have a list of things that I am determined to check off at the beginning of this year, but if I had to have a resolution, it would be this: To take one day at a time, led by the Holy Spirit into all truth concerning this body of mine. We need answers. We need breakthrough and no more masking and covering up. What that means, we don't know. But we don't have to, because He does!

January 5th will mark a year of this intense battle and I have a lot of hope that God is going to begin to move us forward in ways that we can't imagine.

Luke 12:34, " For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  And to add to that... Proverbs 4:23, " Guard your heart ABOVE ALL ELSE, for it determines the course of your life."

ABOVE ALL ELSE...guard your heart, your treasure, that's what determines our footsteps. Figure out what your treasure is. For me, above all else, it's the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. I want to guard it, because it's a treasure, the most valuable thing in my life. I'm pretty sure the journey ahead is determined and it is so good.

Happy New Year everyone, love you all very much!

Hospital Cheer or Holiday Cheer?

I think the answer is both. Even though it's been quite a busy month, Chad and I are still having a great time enjoying the holidays despite what our journey has been with me physically. Today I get to bring some cheer to Mayo Clinic! I get to spend about 3 hours or so soaking in the scenery. Gonna get some blood work done, drop off some Christmas cards and end the day with a relaxing mri of my brain :-) Yep that's right. We prayed and decided that after 5 months of being off the ms meds it is time to take a look at what is going on inside this body of mine. We are not making any decisions as far as going back on meds. Just taking a look and continuing to do what we have been doing this whole time. Praying and waiting on God's wisdom and next steps for us in this journey.

Last week was really hard for me emotionally and physically and this week a little better. Some days barely able to walk or use my arms and then some days that are what my average is these days. Just surviving and trying to have a little normalcy along with it. I will admit...I have been caving and internalizing my struggle over the last couple of weeks. Honestly, I just didn't have the energy to do anything else but that. But then, finally over this last weekend and the beginning of this week, God started to speak and I decided to listen and allow myself to let go of some more of the struggle.

It really all came to a head for me this past Sunday. The word that our pastor brought forth was, of course, perfect timing for me. He was talking out of Luke 1:5-24 about Zechariah and his wife Elizabeth. The story goes Zechariah was appointed to do great things and meanwhile he and his wife couldn't bear a son. So the short version, an angel visited Zechariah and said that his wife would bear a son etc. etc. Well Zechariah questioned the angel and God, pretty much doubted what he was saying. He wanted to be sure, the scripture says, of what he was he was hearing.

Well the angel that visited Zechariah in the temple said, " I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time." (vs. 19 + 20) 

So, to get to the point, my pastor brought this out..., " Unbelief will make you lose your voice." WOW. Yes, doubt, unbelief, not having faith in what God has promised, however you want to say it, it will make you lose your voice or what stuck out to me, your influence. Now that is not something that I am willing to give up or lose! I have struggled this year with my unbelief and it's worse at certain times and it was these last couple of weeks for me. I overcame, so I am happy about that, but it was a fight and an exhausting one at that. I'm sure it won't be the last. 

Last thing. I ran into a friend in the rotunda of our church who has been going through a journey of their own and this person had a word from God for me to. This individual said that God gave them a vision of being in a pool. You know, when you jump into really deep water and you are sinking and sinking and sinking and you feel like you are never gonna find the bottom? But then, your feet hit the bottom and what do you do? Yeah, you bet, you push as hard as you can off the bottom of that pool so that you can get to the top as fast as possible! 

What a great picture. I feel like I have been drowning and sinking for about 8 years and getting deeper and deeper just this last year. This word encouraged me to remember that there is a bottom to this pool and when I reach it then God will give me the strength to get right back to the top again. 

So I came away from the weekend and the first part of this week built back up spiritually and emotionally, praise God. It's exhausting being me sometimes! 

I am so grateful for what I have and for my family and all that we get to enjoy this holiday season. We are praying God's word and will over my mri today. Whatever the results may be He is still Lord of our situation and our lives and we couldn't be more honored and excited about that. 

If this is my last post before Christmas, I want to say, Merry Christmas to all of you and thank you for continuing to pray and stand with us. It's the best present we could receive going into this new year. Love you all!  

Holiday Hangover

It's not even Christmas yet and I feel like I have a massive hangover from all the activity! We had 3 amazing parties this weekend! And more to come these next couple of weeks. I am so thankful that I get to be apart. I spent most of the week watching cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies. You know the ones, all the same story, pretty much and I sobbed through all of them lol...so hilarious. It was all I could do though. Up until Thursday, I didn't even think this weekend would be possible physically, much less this month. Adrenal issues, once again, back on adrenal meds but within 24 hours I was off the couch. Although I can't guarantee that there will not be more Hallmark movies in my future :-D

Last week, Chad and I were talking through some decisions, as much as I would like to ignore all of this during the Christmas season, it just won't go away. Anyway, we made a decision to get some mri's scheduled to see where we are after being off of ms meds for over 4 months now! We just want to see where the symptoms are coming from and we feel a great peace that God is moving us to see this. Whatever it looks like we will go from there. I was also feeling the Holy Spirit talk to me about getting back on the adrenal meds. I could feel my body crashing so fast until this week when it got bad again.

Now in the midst of all of this calling doctors, I told Chad, I feel like I was cheating on God calling my doctors. That some how my faith was not intact still. That I was doubting that He still has healed me and still has us on this incredible journey and is still working it out for our good.

Then I was reminded of all the ways in the Bible where Jesus used other methods to heal people. Herbs, mud on the eyes, jumping into a dirty washing pool...there were some that He did not directly touch. You get what I'm saying.

I felt really selfish on the phone with my nurses last week. I was just telling them that I really want to enjoy my husband and my boys for the holidays and not be plastered to the bed. They of course totally agreed and I know the Holy Spirit agrees with that too.

He is so loving and wants us to have that "mud" that we may need at times to help with our process. So we are at peace with our current status. We still need everyone praying because after we get through this month of trying to ignore real life ;-) we are going to have to start making some decisions that we have really been praying through.

I am so excited to see what God is doing...it's so hard to believe that this journey we have been on is coming up on a year now. So bittersweet. You've heard me say this before, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

My "hangover" is slowly diminishing and because God is so present in my life, I'm thankful I get to enjoy this time of year despite what I am trying my best to ignore. God is still totally in control!

Let the Christmas music play and may the Hallmark channel be forever in our lives!!!

The KISS Method

You all know the KISS method right? "Keep It Simple Stupid"...except for in our house it's "Keep It Simple Silly" because the word stupid is a forbidden word!

Been getting my Word time in this morning and a particular clump of verses just really stuck out to me and I heard the Lord say, " This is easy, I made it simple for you to receive your miracle". Today marks the 4th month of Chad and I completely standing and believing on God's Word that He has healed me of ms. No meds for 4 months...amazing. Wish I felt amazing, that's coming to.

Proverbs 3:5-8, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Okay, so let's break this down...let's use the KISS method!

Steps to receiving health in my body and nourishment to my bones:

1. Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART. 
* I know this sounds funny but this is the hardest step, if you can conquer this then the rest should be easy.
2. Lean not on your own understanding. 
* This didn't use to be easy for me, but as we have gotten further in this journey and my pride has been knocked around, I have absolutely no problem completely trusting God's understanding over my own, Lol. I have learned how much I really don't know and it's to much work trying to be God.
3. In all your ways acknowledge Him. 
*I can give Him all the glory for everything in my life, that's easy, I am nothing without Him.
4 .Do not be wise in your own eyes.
*Again, this didn't use to be easy, but I know  whose wiser than me these days ;-)
5. Fear the Lord and shun evil. 
*Okay...so honor the Lord, respect His ways and not the ways of the world...got it.


So there you go! Five easy steps to have health in our bodies. Simple, yeah? LOL! We all know it's not as easy as it looks. But it can be if we allow God's process to stay at work in us. And that's why I think in this part of our journey it does seem simpler. We have had to go through a lot for these steps to seem easier. We are just more prideful and more stubborn than most I guess ;-).

I am thankful that even though I don't feel amazing, I have the faith to believe that I will. God's Word is so powerful. Just have to get intimate with His Word and KISS it sometimes :-)

" And they shall WALK, and not FAINT"

I woke yesterday morning with this scripture swirling around in my head:

Isaiah 40:31, " But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall WALK, and not FAINT."

God totally allowed this scripture to rise up within me yesterday as I was getting myself going for the day. Side note: it pays to hide God's Word in your heart, when you don't have time to pick up a Bible and read it at that moment :-). All of you who know this journey we have been on know that I am coming up on the 4 month mark of being off of all ms medications this Saturday! Chad and I are continuing to stand and believe that God's Word is true and will not return void in this area of our lives. I am healed of ms! Not symptom free and feeling amazing but healed, because God calls me healed. He has promised this to me and He is no respecter of persons ( Romans 2:11). Meaning, if He can and will heal one, He can and will heal me.

So with that in mind, the Holy Spirit was encouraging me with the above scripture. These symptoms are no fun. I'm exhausted all the time, I am tingling all over, my legs are weak and painful and sometimes, I am so dizzy, I feel like I can hardly stand up. With all that said, I am still functional on my own most days and can take care of my home, my husband and my boys, so Praise God!

Back to the Word...you all know we have been waiting on the Lord for so much and as we are He is renewing our strength literally everyday to be able to accomplish what I am accomplishing every day. Not gonna lie, I don't feel like I can soar quite like an eagle everyday, but there are some days where there used to be none.

I used to run, actually 3 miles everyday until November of last year and since then I can barely take a walk down the street...driving me crazy, yes, because I love to work out! I am believing that one day soon I will be able to run again, like this scripture says, and not grow weary.

For now though, I am mostly encouraged by the part that says, " and they shall WALK, and not FAINT." Literally speaking LOL! I am happy to be able to literally walk and not faint everyday!

God's Word is so amazing how alive and active it can be. When we allow it to be alive and active. We have to keep hiding it in our hearts and keep it always before us. I am seriously only making it through this journey because of this.

All of us are on a journey, all of us need the Word of God to " be a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path" ( Psalm 119:105)

He is faithful, His Word will never return void in our lives and He is a loving and amazing God. Believe it today and then start over tomorrow until it's all you know!

Authority and Miracles

These are the two words that keep whirling around in my head after an amazing worship night at our church last night.

First, let me start by explaining how yesterday was. I did ask all of you to pray and  as I explain just keep reading and you will see how God used you. I started the morning barely being able to move or breathe. It actually felt like I was having some kind of ms flare up. I felt horrible...I mean worse than I have felt since before I was back on the benzo drug. It was laughable, really, ridiculous. Of course, it was the day of ETS (Engage the Spirit) our worship night at our church at which I was going to sing for the first time in a year. I don't know why I was surprised to wake up in that state given what God was planning to do last night, but I was. It was a really hard day.

Got to rehearsal and the whole time, my body just kept getting worse and worse. I was literally holding my breathe to sing and by the time we were done, I was in melt down mode, just out of complete frustration. I was seriously having a conversation with God saying, " I am getting on that stage God. You told me to do this, so I guess if I pass out it will be all your fault and you can take the blame!" I know, I'm surprised He didn't strike me down right there! Lol! I was frustrated because I was wanting God to make it easy. I should have been taking authority over the enemy and not acting like a teenage girl that's arguing with her dad, real mature, right.  I pulled Chad aside and asked him to pray for me before the service started.

The first part of the night we had a pastor within our network who operates in a prophetic gifting. He is so meek and humble and highly anointed and brought a powerful, timely word regarding the midnight hour. How do we make it through our dark times etc. To much to really say here, anyway, I sat on the front row and literally cried the entire time! So, when he was wrapping it up I went in the back to get myself together and get ready to get on the stage.

We got on the stage and the first song out of the gate was one I was co-leading with one of our other leaders and the anointing fell right then and for the rest of the night I sat on that stool and sang with such power and authority like I have never felt before in my life while singing! God came through for me...SURPRISE! I don't know why I ever doubted it. It was a powerful night.

So back to those words, authority and power. I am started to really study the Word regarding the authority that we carry and that God has given us. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface.

Romans 13:1, " Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God."


I believe that the new authority on my life is due to first, the grace and love of God and secondly, the fact that I have chosen to intentionally submit myself to Him as my ultimate governing authority. I am so honored to operate in this authority and pray that God continues to allow me to. I can't wait to see how God uses everything that we have been going through and am glad that He is still using me despite my weakness.


He has never left me or forsaken me. Last night was a miracle and I am living today knowing that there is more authority and miracles to come!

I can predict the future...

You heard me right. I can predict the future. I have this secret weapon, it's called the Word of God. It tells me everything that was, that is and that will be. It's the most powerful weapon I have ever had in my possession.

This week marks 3 1/2 months of being off of all ms medications. Let's just give God glory now! Am I completely symptom free? Absolutely....NOT! Lol! Yes, I can laugh, because that weapon I own tells me that I will be free.

Every time I open the Word over the last few weeks, I keep going back to Romans 5. There is something that God is trying to get through this thick skull of mine apparently. But today, I can't even get past the first 2 verses, " Therefore, since we have been justified (qualified) through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace (favor) in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Yeah, exactly, so much freedom and truth in those two verses. So much that if we really understand them we can live a victorious, amazing day. We are qualified through the faith that we have in Jesus and therefore have obtained the grace (favor) with God Almighty, that helps us survive every day. And we rejoice in the hope that God's glory will be made known through us!

I was asked this past week how do I experience God and the first thing that rolled off my lips was by opening the Word of God. When I open the Word, it doesn't matter how I feel, if my boys are running around being crazy, the house is a mess etc...Jesus comes to life right then to me. Experiencing God used to just be about a feeling for me, but it hasn't been that way for quite some time.

Then I was asked what happens when I experience Jesus. And again, the first thing that flowed from my mouth, without even having to think, was that Jesus comes to life and therefore all of His promises come to life and it completely erases any fear and doubt that I may have woken up with that day. I live each day in freedom because of this. At least for now, freedom in my mind, gradually in my body.

This week, I have been given the opportunity to sing at our worship night. God told me to be there and available, so I am doing it completely out of faith. For those of you who know this journey, this is quite a big moment for me and a miracle for me to be able to step on the stage. I don't like to be needy...but I need all of you praying for me this week! I have no agenda other than His so I know that He will be there in the moment. Just have to keep my mind out of trouble and all of you backing me up helps big time with that :-)

Okay, are you ready? I am gonna predict our future right now...Jeremiah 29:11, " For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

If you haven't spoken the Word over your life yet today, STOP whatever you are doing and run to it. There's nothing more important!