I am having a total "it just hit me" revelation moment. There's a song by Audry Assad called "Show Me" and it's on repeat right now as we speak and I can't keep myself from weeping as I listen because, well, let me let you read the words and you will see what I am saying:
You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry
You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie
Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be
Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die
So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me
What God is speaking to me through this song is regarding this process. I mean this is an OMG moment for me. This song speaks of all these great things God can use this life to do. I have been saying to God that I don't want to end up on the other side of this process with everything healed and restored without really, fully understanding what this process is about. And now, I think He has revealed to me His purpose. He is teaching me how to die...how to die to my flesh, to my self, to my ideas, everything. He is completely breaking me apart and teaching me to die and to do it with the motivation of complete surrender to the ultimate love of my life...Him.
I am completely at His mercy to "bend and breathe me back to life", but I don't want Him to until He finishes showing me how to die. I don't, with all of my heart. I cry now because I am so broken....broken physically and spiritually in such a deep way. So much, that I just want to sit right here with Him next to me and just let it all go. He truly is my only refuge, my only answer.
1 Corinthians 15:36, " How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies."
I have planted myself in God and His Word and I have been waiting to come to life spirit, soul and body and now I realize that there are some things that really have to die first. I mean, I guess I have been on this track, but it just makes more sense right now. And now, that's what I am going to be praying for God to do in me specifically. Instead of praying for God to heal me only, which I will always do, I am going to ask Him to show me what specifically needs to die so that I can get on the other side of this process with the complete victory.
IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT MY BODY BEING HEALED! It's about everything AFTER my body aligns with what God is saying. Cue me smiling at the amazing God I serve. Keep it coming Lord, I want to fulfill every part of my destiny, not just part of it. I want Your best...so teach me to die.
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