My View

It's beautiful, both physically and spiritually. I am spending the morning in my bed, looking out my windows at the awesome breeze in the woods behind our house. It's gloriously gloomy as well, which always makes the melancholy side of me flourish :-) All day yesterday, I could hardly move because I was feeling almost paralyzed from my mid-section on up through my head. Pretty miserable and last night when Chad and I made our way to bed, I had uncontrollable shaking all over my body. Chad started to pray over me and I really believe that's what made it stop. God met us right here and I don't even remember falling asleep. I am in awe of how amazing God is and how amazing my husband is.

This morning, I awoke feeling completely drained, with all of the symptoms from yesterday and decided that it might be best to just rest and hang back in bed as opposed to my second home, the couch! We started the morning praying without ceasing and I am convinced that we are the perfect definition of having "peace that passes  all understanding" (Phil. 4-7).

Psalm 18:28, " You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." As dark as this season feels or looks, God is still allowing us to see the light in the midst of it as we continue to trust and submit ourselves to Him. Proverbs 18:14, " The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?".

The key to perfect peace and peace that passes all understanding is complete surrender and dependence on the Holy Spirit in our lives. If we don't do that we won't see any light and we will definitely be crushed in spirit.

I'm not gonna lie, our flesh, especially mine, is searching for some kind of confirmation as to what I am experiencing. Is it ms? Is it benzo withdrawal? These questions are a constant in this human brain of mine. Last night these questions were burning a hole through my skull when I heard God say, " Why do you find it so hard to believe that I would bless you and heal you?" I still can't answer that question. But it's okay because I am continuing to trust God despite what my body is going through.

You see, it doesn't matter if it's ms or benzo withdrawal. It's all the same, I need Jesus to heal me no matter what. Sure, I could run to my doctors and try more medications, but ultimately, only He can heal and save me from this. So, we wait and we trust.

I like my view today...even though it's from my bed, because I know He's with me and will never leave me or forsake me.