I've never "ben-zo" free

Have any of you ever played the game Mad Gab? Well, if you have then you know what I am trying to say in my title of today's blog! I am happy to announce(yes happy, not dreading) that I took my last benzo pill last night! It's been a long 12 weeks and we still have technically a couple of weeks to go, but no more feeding my body with this drug. If I am being completely honest, my body is not happy that it's the last pill it gets to have. We are still working through some various other things, but again, we have never known God's grace to be so sufficient.

On Sunday, our pastor preached an amazing message. Everything he said was powerful but there are two things that really stuck out to me that God is working with me on.

1. Jesus was always advancing the Kingdom of God in His peaks and in His valleys.

No matter what Jesus was walking through, He was always about His Father's business. What an example. I have been praying a lot recently asking God to show me if there is anything else that I should be doing in my valley to advance His kingdom. For a while now, I have been making excuses as to why I can't and granted there have been some valid moments in this journey where it just wasn't possible to do anything other than sit on the couch. But God is pushing me to a whole new standard. He is pushing me towards greatness which means I have to be willing to push pass what my body is doing to a whole new level. Just when I think I can get a little comfortable, if you can be in a body like mine! Just kidding, I am anything but comfortable...

So, how do I apply this practically? Romans 8:14, " For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God." In other words, I am learning to be a true child of God. If He isn't saying it, I'm not doing it. If He is saying it, I am doing it! I am being led by the Spirit of God everyday, every moment. If I do this, there is no doubt in my mind that I will advance His kingdom whether or not I am on a peak or in a valley.

2. Measure your growth by the people that you affect or influence. 

I have always known this. I mean, Jesus told us to go and make disciples. I have never been the best evangelist. I have always had to work at this. God has given me a lot of opportunities to help people to grow and to lead people to Him. I can't say that I have stewarded all of those opportunities like I should have. I have such a passion to see people free. So much that it hurts. It burns in me to see people delivered from fear and doubt. I have a passion to see people grab hold of God's Word so that it can be living and active in them and set them free from everything that the world has to offer. But, are my actions and my life producing this? Well, I know that I am maturing, so I must be in some way. But I want to be intentional about it. God is showing me how to do this practically.

 President of Proverbs 31 Ministries and Author, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke at our ladies event last night at church. She said, among many other things, that she is making what she calls, " imperfect progress". In other words, we may not be perfect in the process, but we are still making progress in the midst of our imperfections. That may not be what she meant, but that's how it spoke to me. I am still on a journey and I don't always respond to God the way I should, but ultimately He gets me to where He needs me.

Chad and I are continuing to stand and believe that I am healed. We are standing on the Word of God and it's a living and active weapon in our hands right now. We are staying still and sensitive to His voice and hanging on to every ounce of grace, peace and strength that He has to give us.  Yes, this is hard and yes, we are having to fight every thought that drives us to fear and/or to doubt God.

We really have never "been so" free...here's to moving forward!