Are We Really Ready To Be Astonished?

I have really enjoyed having my mornings back! I started walking in the mornings before everyone wakes up in our house about a month ago. It's been great, because I get to have that solid time with God. As much as I miss snuggling with my amazing husband until the last possible second and the sound of diapers and pull-ups rustling with the pitter patter of little feet running into our bedroom in the morning, I have really enjoyed getting that quiet in my mind to start the day!

While I love it for myself, a lot of that time is spent praying for a lot of other people that God lays on my heart. A lot of other people who really need God to intervene and give them a miracle in what seems to be a hopeless situation. Yesterday morning, I was moved to tears praying for a certain one and I found myself pleading with God to give this person the miracle that they so desperately need. I said to God, " Please God, just give them their miracle, astonish your people and the people of this world." As soon as I said that, I heard the Holy Spirit say, " My people are not ready to be astonished." I was like, whoa...what? Wait. What do you mean God? Of course we are. We want to see You do the amazing and the miraculous. You know what I'm saying if  you are on any kind of journey! We need God to prove Himself and astonish us everyday!

After my walk this morning, I got a little more clarity regarding this. On our journey, God continues to astonish us, but with that comes a great price and a great reward. To explain, after this year, God has revealed so much truth and given us so much growth that we can't and don't want to go back. In other words, we are now accountable for that truth and that growth and it's almost impossible to go back to where we were. We can no longer be who we were a year ago because of God astonishing us. It's a great and amazing thing, but not easy. You get my point? I believe that's what God is saying. We may think we are ready to be astonished by God, but if we are, we better be ready to change and hold true to that change in our lives. Some of us, including me, may not be ready for that kind of accountability, but I know how God gets us there!

Faith. Belief. In our journey and pretty much every story of the miraculous in the Bible we have had to believe first and then the astonishing or the manifestation of that faith and belief starts coming to pass. My body is not perfect...yet. But I wake up every morning and say, " Thank You God that I have perfect health." That's my faith and then God chooses to prove Himself to me as I go.

It's an endless cycle...first we have to learn to have faith, walk in it, God proves Himself and then we are hooked, we can't stop believing Him! It's pretty incredible.

Romans 4:20-21, " Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God (in my case, perfect health and restoration), but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."

God astonished Abraham and if you read Abraham's story, he could never go back to where he was. So if you are looking for God to intervene and He hasn't yet, there could be a multitude of reasons why, but if you are like me, you look everywhere else but within yourself to see if there's a problem!

Ask yourself in all honesty, am I ready to be astonished? Am I ready to change from the inside out in order to receive my miracle? Am I ready to completely submit to the Holy Spirit in order to receive those promises? Because I know the Word of God and He Himself to be true, I'm pretty sure once we can answer these questions, He will astonish us and we will be ready.

The Black Stool...A Chance to Step Out

This is the first opportunity since my last post to really sit down and write! Our sweet little Sammy turned 3 this past Friday! So we had lots to do all week to get ready for his big day and his birthday party. It was a ton of fun and we are so blessed to have him!

Last Wednesday was another one of our incredible worship nights. We have been celebrating Black History month and we did this by having a whole set of high praise with a mass choir and a brass section. It was awesome, powerful and a lot of fun! Originally I wasn't supposed to be on the stage for the first part of the night, just for the middle section where I was going to be singing along more and able to sit and not exert so much energy. HOWEVER, God had some different plans for me that night.

I ended up being up the whole time and not just that...this time...I was able to sing all the high praise songs and the rest of the night and I STOOD THE WHOLE TIME!!! The first ETS (Engage the Spirit, that's what we call those nights) I sat the whole time while on stage. The 2nd one I did, it was about half and half and now to get to this one and for God to give me the strength and the ability to do this was so amazing. A miracle wouldn't you say?

The biggest miracle that night to me was when it was my turn to sing with our main worship leader that night. I usually stay pretty close to my little black stool, just in case. Well, that night, God pushed me to the front with our worship leader, farther away from that black stool than I have been in a long time. And I hardly even thought about it in the moment and then afterwards is when it hit me! I stepped out...I obeyed and God took care of. I didn't allow fear and doubt to control that moment. The Holy Spirit did and victory came!

Psalm 138:3, " When I called, You answered me; You made me bold and brave." The stool isn't my crutch anymore...Jesus is and I'd say He is a lot more stable. It's so hard to change our thinking and our patterns. What or Who we depend on.

Challenge: If there is a black stool in your life, try and and step a little further away and see what God has for you. Do you trust Him?

Why yes, Parker, you do have SUPER POWERS!

Our sweet, fun-loving 4 year old, Parker made an incredible decision to ask Jesus into his heart for the very first time while we were on vacation in Alabama. Thursday, January 24th to be exact! Chad and I couldn't be prouder of him. He started asking all of these really serious questions and then by bedtime that night he prayed with Chad and I and made, what we would classify as his first actual decision to have Jesus in his life. Now, we get the fact that he might get saved about 20 more times by the time he hits middle school but this was his first decision where we could tell he understood and truly meant it. So exciting!

Anyway, as the next couple of days were unfolding, Parker was asking me all kinds of questions and one of those was, " Mommy, do I have super powers with Jesus in my heart?". I had to stop for a minute so I could answer carefully...I didn't want him to start flying off of buildings and doing all things superhero, you know what I'm saying LOL! As I stood there God's Word started stirring in me and this is what came to mind. Joel 3:10, " Let the weak say, ' I am strong'." So I said to Parker well actually yes, Parker, you do have super powers! I began to explain God's Word and how it works and how all of God's promises are real to us and how we are stronger when we have Jesus and how we can do all things through Him who strengthens us and on and on. What an amazing conversation to have with your 4 year old!

This week, both boys have had fevers for a couple of days(both fine now), Chad was in bed sick yesterday and I started thinking about how when everybody in the house gets sick, somehow, Mommy never does! It's amazing, it's hilarious, our super powers of immunity totally kick in and we just do what has to be done. Now I'm not stupid, I know it's totally God and His grace that keeps us in those times. I know it's the Holy Spirit who is my ultimate Helper because of my submission to Him.

I started exercising two weeks ago. Walking everyday for 30 minutes. For those of you who know our journey, this is an absolute miracle! Talk about the weak being strong. I am so motivated by God that some mornings I am up before the sun, now that's the real miracle!

If we access God's Word, we have His power and authority on our lives. Let me say it one more time, if we access God's Word, we have His power and authority on our lives. So yes, we have super powers or rather supernatural powers...we just got to use them! 

Perfect Peace

Yes, that is my view in Alabama on the land that Chad and his family have owned for years and there is me without any make-up on for the whole world to see and trust me, I don’t care :-). I am sitting here with my feet up with Kari Jobe’s song “Here” on repeat while my boys are in the woods with their Papa and their Daddy. We are 3 days in out of the 5 that we get to spend in our favorite vacation spot. No phones, no internet, just…nature, quiet, peace. I got to thinking about the picture of perfect peace. The song that I am listening to speaks of breathing in and breathing out. Honestly, I haven’t felt the best this week. But, there are a couple of things I want to point out. As I have been studying the Word this week, I have realized that God has brought me to a couple of places, a couple of steps ahead spiritually in this journey. Steps that are giving me a tremendous amount of hope that we are really close to the breakthrough that we have been in need of for the last 8 years.

1. After having my scans done, and yes I know it’s physical proof, but we know that God told us to do it so seeing that those pictures were clear…I could finally quit holding my breath. God gave us physical proof of what His Word can do when we stand on it. I can breath in and breath out.

2. Romans 5:3-5, “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” There is so much in this that I could point out but the main thing is that I really believe God has finally allowed me to get to that place of hope. But before hope could happen, I have been in school learning to persevere, which has been producing character in me that is allowing me to be mature enough to trust God and actually have the hope that He is providing by totally depending on the Holy Spirit as my Helper!!!

Lastly, and this is not a bullet point because we are not there yet. But I was reading in Psalm 107:4-7, “Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle.”

“Where they could SETTLE.” I don’t take this as settling as in never changing or growing. I take this as a place of contentment with God no matter what’s going on. We have been wandering and we have been crying out to God for answers, resolution and I know He is going to lead us to that city where we can settle. Doesn’t settling sound nice? I don’t need all the questions of the world answered, you know where I am coming from. It’s planting roots. It’s finding a place of peace and home no matter if the world is falling apart around you. Don’t you just want to be able to breath in and breath out?

So here’s the picture of perfect peace…Isaiah 26:3-4, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.”

“It’s Like Magic But Real”

Ok, I know this is awful, but one of my favorite commercials of the football season is a beer commercial. It plays out like this…4 guys sitting in the stands and their team is going for the winning point in the last seconds of the game and they are all holding their beer labels out for good luck. Well the 4^th guy doesn’t know about this “good luck” charm and his buddy next to him says, “ It’s like magic, but real.” LOL….I crack up every time!

I got to thinking about God and the miraculous and that phrase fits so perfectly! Miracles are like magic, but real! I know because I am walking one out right now. We see Jesus performing them in the bible. And if you are standing and waiting for your miracle it’s really hard to read about others or see others in present day receiving theirs and you are waiting on the sidelines. Always the bridesmaid never the bride syndrome. Jesus says in John 14:11, “ Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.”

Yes, it is hard to believe and not doubt that God can really do it. That it’s real before it actually becomes real. I have been there and still am every day even though God is proving Himself in my journey. My body is leagues from being what I would consider to be a miracle. But I believe John 14:11. I believe Jesus is real and is alive and active and He cannot lie. His Word cannot return void. If it’s working at all in your life, it has to manifest itself 100% at some point. That timing, well, that’s up to Him.

It all goes back to that root of fear and doubt. When Chad and I started this blog one of my very first posts was about losing fear and doubt. It’s so important!!! How else can we embrace that God is not some mystical, magical, fairy tale person? This isn’t a Disney movie…this is life…and it’s real…and it’s painful…and we need God to be real and every promise that goes with Him.

Last night, I was given the incredible honor of being apart of the team for our worship night and my miracle this time was that I stood almost the entire time I was up there singing! Just last month, I had to sit the whole time and could barely breathe to get through the night! Praise God!

So labels out for me…or at least my Bible out and I know Jesus is going to get the winning points.

Miraculous News!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I have miraculous news that you will have to wait to hear until you have read what I have to say first! Yesterday, God really brought some revelation my way that is changing my perspective and I believe is one of the keys to moving forward out of this intense battle.

It started on Saturday when I logged on to listen to a man named Kynan Bridges. I don't know much about him other than what I could know by the words coming out of his mouth which were anointed and definite words from God. He spoke of many things that I have been walking in already throughout this year. Things like speaking the Word, ingesting it like the medicine that it is, living by the spirit and not by the world's system etc. Then he brought something to life for me. Some of his family members were diagnosed with ms and he started to experience the same symptoms. During that time, he stood on God's Word and God began to speak to him and told Kynan to stop asking Him to heal him because He already did that. He already paid that price by getting those 40 stripes on His back and dying on the cross. God told Kynan to start thanking Him for perfect health. Simple right? I know this right? I have done both to be honest, but when I woke Sunday morning more revelation came to go with this.

As I was getting ready for church, all I could do was thank God for perfect health. Believe me, this is completely opposite of what my body is feeling. But that is the only thing I could do. Then God just sweetly opened my eyes to something.

" The FEAR of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." Proverbs 9:10. Chad and I have been on a search for wisdom regarding our situation. Answers, solutions. What I realized is that as much as Chad and I love God and honor Him we are not truly fearing/honoring Him like we should in our situation because we keep asking Him to do things that He has already done. Every time I ask God to heal my body, (not that this is wrong according to God's Word this is just the level of accountability that God has us at), I am ignoring the fact that He already paid a tremendous price for me to walk in perfect health. I am looking at the stripes on His back and ignoring the tremendous pain and suffering He took so that I didn't have to. I started to repent and ask God to forgive me of this. And I believe that as we honor Him, truly honor and trust Him, that's where our breakthrough is.

So today I open one of my healing books and today's title is, no joke, " By His stripes you were healed." LOL...1 Peter 2:24, " Who His own self bare our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness, by whose stripes we were healed." Read this scripture a million times.

Now for the miraculous news! We got the spinal mri results back this morning. These were the words out of the nurse's mouth, " Your scan was fine. Nothing new, only old scarring. So whatever is going on is most likely not the ms, you are stable." WHAT???!!!!!! Yes Lord!!!! Thank You Jesus!!!! I did not doubt in my heart and God gave us the report we asked for!

You might ask, well is it damage etc. Well, it could be, but almost 6 months off of ms meds and my body is doing this crazy stuff and there are no new hits, except for the one in the brain that is not significant enough to be causing any of this. This is the clarity that we need to be able to pursue other things. If it's not ms acting up, then what is it? I believe that as we continue to fear the Lord in the absolute right way, we are going to get the wisdom we need to conquer this season and move forward. I believe it with all of my heart.

I know it seems silly that I am so giddy about this given my body hasn't changed but I just can't help but be giddy over God being God. I don't ever want to lose the excitement I feel when God is doing the miraculous!

Thanks for praying and please keep praying for us. We don't want to jump ahead of God in any way...thank You Jesus, You are so amazing.

January 5th, 2013...Marking a Year

Yes, today marks a year of walking through this intense physical battle. It was this day a year ago that my first trip to the ER was taken and this whole crazy journey began. I don't really want to make an anniversary out of this day but it's a little bittersweet for me and I'll tell you why.

To be completely honest, I don't feel like I am any better off physically. We've made some small steps here and there. Discovered some things here and there but we are still masking everything and really don't have any clue how to get my body back to where it was 8 years ago or just a year ago. Here's the bittersweet part (you knew it was coming from this girl whose cup is half full, most of the time ;-).

Where God has brought myself and Chad throughout this year spiritually is leagues beyond where we have been! A lot has changed in that area of our lives thus the bittersweet feeling. Do I wish we could go about this growth a different way? Um...what do you think? Nevertheless, we are here and what God has done in us and through us this year is extremely humbling and amazing.

You've heard me say this before, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm glad to be where we are spiritually and I know that breakthrough is coming in the physical too.

We had another mri done on Thursday morning of the rest of my neck down my spine. We did not get the results before the weekend hit but we are very much at peace waiting and knowing that God is ordering our steps. We don't know what to expect and we really aren't worried about it. We just know that was the first step the Holy Spirit quickened us to take. So we obeyed!

Galatians 5:25, " Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." I love that, "keep in step with the spirit". That means step for step, stride for stride, jump for jump. A common phrase that has been coming from our lips as we pray is, " Please don't let us get ahead of you God or jump ahead of you God despite what my body is doing or feeling." This, I know, is the Holy Spirit in both Chad and I to be able to pray those words and really mean it.

We thank God continually for His strength and His grace. We live our lives in step with a living and active God, a relational, every moment of the day God. We weren't doing that a year ago this day, to this extent. Honestly, we didn't have the faith to until now...what a process. Instead of feeling the shame of that, I feel great gratitude that we are closer to Him now and all the truth He is teaching us is alive and working in us to perform a good work. Did you hear that? A GOOD WORK (Philippians 1:6).

That's right, we consider it a good work, even on the days when I FEEL like it is not so good! I have no idea when this work will be complete, if ever, but I have peace knowing that God is leading it and because of my covenant with Him and the price He paid for me, I don't have to do anything to earn His unconditional love for me.

So, to conclude, I have no idea what's going on or what God has in store LOL! Just taking it one day at a time...