Isn't 7 the number of perfection? Yeah, that's what I thought. We landed ourselves in the ER this past Saturday night. After all of the physical torture and torment of the last 12 weeks of weaning from the benzo drug I have been on, I found my self curled up in a ball with every muscle on the outside of my body and the inside of my body seizing. I could breathe worst of all and it just wouldn't stop. So 911 was the call.
Earlier that day Chad and I had been discussing the option of going back on the benzo drug and taking a different approach to the wean. Obviously the way we did it did not work for me. We need to figure out a way to slow it way down and we actually have learned some of those methods. Now I know this seems completely contrary to what were trying to do, going back on this powerful drug, but we had a tremendous peace and really, no other choice at that moment. It was either that, or not be able to breath or move for how ever long and we just know that God does not require that of me. He is a loving God and I am so thankful for a husband who operates out of the wisdom of God and was able to make the call.
30 minutes after taking the drug in the er, I could move and most likely could have walked out of there. The next day, I got out of bed for the first time by myself in two weeks and was able to even get a little cleaning done around the house. We are convinced that everything I was experiencing was withdrawal, but I just couldn't stick with staying off and my husband agreed and we felt like the Holy Spirit did to.
Where we are at is we are going to allow my body to stabilize and then we are going to re approach how to wean again more safely. We are completely at peace with this.
The victory was that we didn't go the er on Saturday our of fear and doubt that God wasn't for us. We went because after being completely surrounded with prayer and being completely willing to push through anything and not getting that breakthrough in my physical body, we went.
Chad and I still believe that I have been healed of ms and are still not taking any medications in that area. We also still believe that God wants me completely free from all of this, we just have to keep hearing His voice moment by moment to get to that complete place of freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17, " Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." So wherever the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Whether we are in our home, whether we are in our car, whether we are in the emergency room. We have a choice in the midst of our circumstances to either completely feel bound by them or to allow the Spirit of God to present and minister freedom to us in the midst of them. That's what Chad and I did in the er this last Saturday.
We still feel free and know that the manifestation of that is coming. We don't doubt it for a second, we just have to get my body to line up with that. I have to admit, it's nice to not be bound to the bed and feeling like my whole body feels like when you touch a battery to your tongue!
Please keep praying for us, obviously the journey still continues and we have more to push through and understand. We feel extremely victorious and we know that our faith and belief is still intact!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Pursuit=Desire in Action
It's amazing to me how loving God is that He would intentionally pursue us. I mean, it seems like that wouldn't be high on His priority list. But it's the highest thing to Him. His relationship to us is the most important thing. He is constantly chasing after us because of His love and mercy for us. He can't help it because God is love. It's His nature to pursue us, chase after us. Hello, He laid His life down just so we could have a relationship with Him. I'm pretty sure that makes us His top priority and object of affection.
I have received so much encouragement from so many of you throughout this journey. It's been amazing. I have felt pursued. If I am being honest, I don't always see God behind that encouragement. Not because of any of you, but because, for some reason, I am blinded to the idea that God actually cares. I don't always feel God pursuing me through your encouraging words and that is something that He is really dealing with me about. There are certain times when I really know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is pursuing me and is really trying His hardest to make sure that I hear Him. Yesterday was one of those days for me. It's like I was the only one on the planet that He cared about! It was just one thing after another yesterday. Everything I needed to hear, everyone that I needed to call, called. I was able to walk around all day by myself. He not only talked to me, He showed me, physically that He was pursuing me. I knew that God was focused on me.
You may ask, why is that such a big deal? Um...let's see...He's only the Creator of the universe, the Beginning and the End, the only one that can heal me...shall I go on? Yeah, it's a big deal when He pursues me. I feel like when I was dating Chad. I craved his pursuit. I wanted him to chase after me. I wanted to see what he desired for me in action, not just words. That's what I have wanted from God. I not only want Him to talk to me, but I want to see that His desire for me is to be healed. Not just by reading His Word, but His Word actually being living and active in me. Where my physical body actually manifest what He is saying should be. Powerful. As we have been completely submitting ourselves to Him in this process, He is showing us how to conform to His image and as we do that we are able to see His desire in action, His purpose.
Romans 8:28, " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (desire in action)." God works for the good of those who first love Him and secondly have been called according to HIS desire in action (purpose), NOT OURS. Do you get it? It's all about Him. It's all about us loving Him enough to conform to Him.
Psalm 37:4, " Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Interpretation: Enjoy God and He will give you purpose. I am seeing and feeling God's pursuit of me, His desire in action, His purpose for this life He has given me.
Let the journey continue :-)
I have received so much encouragement from so many of you throughout this journey. It's been amazing. I have felt pursued. If I am being honest, I don't always see God behind that encouragement. Not because of any of you, but because, for some reason, I am blinded to the idea that God actually cares. I don't always feel God pursuing me through your encouraging words and that is something that He is really dealing with me about. There are certain times when I really know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is pursuing me and is really trying His hardest to make sure that I hear Him. Yesterday was one of those days for me. It's like I was the only one on the planet that He cared about! It was just one thing after another yesterday. Everything I needed to hear, everyone that I needed to call, called. I was able to walk around all day by myself. He not only talked to me, He showed me, physically that He was pursuing me. I knew that God was focused on me.
You may ask, why is that such a big deal? Um...let's see...He's only the Creator of the universe, the Beginning and the End, the only one that can heal me...shall I go on? Yeah, it's a big deal when He pursues me. I feel like when I was dating Chad. I craved his pursuit. I wanted him to chase after me. I wanted to see what he desired for me in action, not just words. That's what I have wanted from God. I not only want Him to talk to me, but I want to see that His desire for me is to be healed. Not just by reading His Word, but His Word actually being living and active in me. Where my physical body actually manifest what He is saying should be. Powerful. As we have been completely submitting ourselves to Him in this process, He is showing us how to conform to His image and as we do that we are able to see His desire in action, His purpose.
Romans 8:28, " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (desire in action)." God works for the good of those who first love Him and secondly have been called according to HIS desire in action (purpose), NOT OURS. Do you get it? It's all about Him. It's all about us loving Him enough to conform to Him.
Psalm 37:4, " Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Interpretation: Enjoy God and He will give you purpose. I am seeing and feeling God's pursuit of me, His desire in action, His purpose for this life He has given me.
Let the journey continue :-)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
My View
It's beautiful, both physically and spiritually. I am spending the morning in my bed, looking out my windows at the awesome breeze in the woods behind our house. It's gloriously gloomy as well, which always makes the melancholy side of me flourish :-) All day yesterday, I could hardly move because I was feeling almost paralyzed from my mid-section on up through my head. Pretty miserable and last night when Chad and I made our way to bed, I had uncontrollable shaking all over my body. Chad started to pray over me and I really believe that's what made it stop. God met us right here and I don't even remember falling asleep. I am in awe of how amazing God is and how amazing my husband is.
This morning, I awoke feeling completely drained, with all of the symptoms from yesterday and decided that it might be best to just rest and hang back in bed as opposed to my second home, the couch! We started the morning praying without ceasing and I am convinced that we are the perfect definition of having "peace that passes all understanding" (Phil. 4-7).
Psalm 18:28, " You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." As dark as this season feels or looks, God is still allowing us to see the light in the midst of it as we continue to trust and submit ourselves to Him. Proverbs 18:14, " The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?".
The key to perfect peace and peace that passes all understanding is complete surrender and dependence on the Holy Spirit in our lives. If we don't do that we won't see any light and we will definitely be crushed in spirit.
I'm not gonna lie, our flesh, especially mine, is searching for some kind of confirmation as to what I am experiencing. Is it ms? Is it benzo withdrawal? These questions are a constant in this human brain of mine. Last night these questions were burning a hole through my skull when I heard God say, " Why do you find it so hard to believe that I would bless you and heal you?" I still can't answer that question. But it's okay because I am continuing to trust God despite what my body is going through.
You see, it doesn't matter if it's ms or benzo withdrawal. It's all the same, I need Jesus to heal me no matter what. Sure, I could run to my doctors and try more medications, but ultimately, only He can heal and save me from this. So, we wait and we trust.
I like my view today...even though it's from my bed, because I know He's with me and will never leave me or forsake me.
This morning, I awoke feeling completely drained, with all of the symptoms from yesterday and decided that it might be best to just rest and hang back in bed as opposed to my second home, the couch! We started the morning praying without ceasing and I am convinced that we are the perfect definition of having "peace that passes all understanding" (Phil. 4-7).
Psalm 18:28, " You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." As dark as this season feels or looks, God is still allowing us to see the light in the midst of it as we continue to trust and submit ourselves to Him. Proverbs 18:14, " The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?".
The key to perfect peace and peace that passes all understanding is complete surrender and dependence on the Holy Spirit in our lives. If we don't do that we won't see any light and we will definitely be crushed in spirit.
I'm not gonna lie, our flesh, especially mine, is searching for some kind of confirmation as to what I am experiencing. Is it ms? Is it benzo withdrawal? These questions are a constant in this human brain of mine. Last night these questions were burning a hole through my skull when I heard God say, " Why do you find it so hard to believe that I would bless you and heal you?" I still can't answer that question. But it's okay because I am continuing to trust God despite what my body is going through.
You see, it doesn't matter if it's ms or benzo withdrawal. It's all the same, I need Jesus to heal me no matter what. Sure, I could run to my doctors and try more medications, but ultimately, only He can heal and save me from this. So, we wait and we trust.
I like my view today...even though it's from my bed, because I know He's with me and will never leave me or forsake me.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
How could we be back to the beginning???
Wow...can I just say wow? Since my last post on Monday, it has felt like all hell has broke loose! Coincidence? Until this morning, I wasn't able to answer that question with a no without hesitation. Just to recap the week...Tuesday through Thursday I could not pick up my head because of severe vertigo. Thursday through today, on top of the vertigo, spasms throughout my whole body and from my neck up, including my face, loss of sensation and the feeling as though I am paralyzed and nerve pain and burning in the same location, massive breathing issues and horrible weakness through out my whole body.
So why am I telling you all of this, it's so encouraging, right? I am sharing with you the details because you need to understand what kind of faith it takes for us to be where we are right now. Yesterday was our 10 year anniversary. It was spent on the phone with doctors and having a severe allergic reaction to a medication (that we should not have taken and we knew it, the flesh is so weak!). The awesome thing is that my mom took the boys for the night and they just came back about an hour ago. Chad and I sat here and literally cried out to God for a miracle. We were and are so desperate for Him to show Himself to us. I went to bed feeling a little less tormented in my mind, but not so much in my body.
This morning, I wake up crying because my mind had convinced me that I could not get out of the bed because of what my body is feeling. Here's where the good part comes in (I can hear you saying. thank You Lord). Chad and I began talking out our weaknesses, our deep down doubts and fears...to the extent of believing does God really exist (yep, seriously, don't judge us)! We got to a moment where it was silent and in rang a text from a mighty woman of God and she said, " Praying for healing and breakthrough for you this morning..." I'm not kidding when I say, I started to cry and I threw the phone at Chad and said, " Tell me God doesn't exist!" It was perfect timing. From that moment, we started to pray in the spirit. We poured it all out and asked God to completely once and for all deliver us from our fears and our doubt. We asked God to help us to draw a line in the sand. We know that God did something in that moment that we will forever talk about and that will forever aid Him in setting people free, through us, from fear and doubt.
So how does my body feel? Answer: Like I should be in a hospital somewhere doped up on major drugs until this is all over. But, I got out of bed :-) Honestly, I couldn't write until this moment because I was allowing my mind and my spirit to take a back seat to my body. Now, my mind and spirit are back in the place that they should be! Fixed on Jesus. We are learning to praise God and give thanks in everything.
Here's the Word of God for today to us...James 1:4, " Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." If you keep reading through vs 8 it talks about asking for God's wisdom and believing, not doubting, when we ask so that we will not be an unstable people.
We are all blown around every time the wind changes. It's time for that to stop. It's time for us to be "mature and complete, not lacking anything". So perseverance must be allowed to finish it's work in us. I don't know what's coming, but I know Him. Enough said.
So why am I telling you all of this, it's so encouraging, right? I am sharing with you the details because you need to understand what kind of faith it takes for us to be where we are right now. Yesterday was our 10 year anniversary. It was spent on the phone with doctors and having a severe allergic reaction to a medication (that we should not have taken and we knew it, the flesh is so weak!). The awesome thing is that my mom took the boys for the night and they just came back about an hour ago. Chad and I sat here and literally cried out to God for a miracle. We were and are so desperate for Him to show Himself to us. I went to bed feeling a little less tormented in my mind, but not so much in my body.
This morning, I wake up crying because my mind had convinced me that I could not get out of the bed because of what my body is feeling. Here's where the good part comes in (I can hear you saying. thank You Lord). Chad and I began talking out our weaknesses, our deep down doubts and fears...to the extent of believing does God really exist (yep, seriously, don't judge us)! We got to a moment where it was silent and in rang a text from a mighty woman of God and she said, " Praying for healing and breakthrough for you this morning..." I'm not kidding when I say, I started to cry and I threw the phone at Chad and said, " Tell me God doesn't exist!" It was perfect timing. From that moment, we started to pray in the spirit. We poured it all out and asked God to completely once and for all deliver us from our fears and our doubt. We asked God to help us to draw a line in the sand. We know that God did something in that moment that we will forever talk about and that will forever aid Him in setting people free, through us, from fear and doubt.
So how does my body feel? Answer: Like I should be in a hospital somewhere doped up on major drugs until this is all over. But, I got out of bed :-) Honestly, I couldn't write until this moment because I was allowing my mind and my spirit to take a back seat to my body. Now, my mind and spirit are back in the place that they should be! Fixed on Jesus. We are learning to praise God and give thanks in everything.
Here's the Word of God for today to us...James 1:4, " Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." If you keep reading through vs 8 it talks about asking for God's wisdom and believing, not doubting, when we ask so that we will not be an unstable people.
We are all blown around every time the wind changes. It's time for that to stop. It's time for us to be "mature and complete, not lacking anything". So perseverance must be allowed to finish it's work in us. I don't know what's coming, but I know Him. Enough said.
Monday, September 10, 2012
I've never "ben-zo" free
Have any of you ever played the game Mad Gab? Well, if you have then you know what I am trying to say in my title of today's blog! I am happy to announce(yes happy, not dreading) that I took my last benzo pill last night! It's been a long 12 weeks and we still have technically a couple of weeks to go, but no more feeding my body with this drug. If I am being completely honest, my body is not happy that it's the last pill it gets to have. We are still working through some various other things, but again, we have never known God's grace to be so sufficient.
On Sunday, our pastor preached an amazing message. Everything he said was powerful but there are two things that really stuck out to me that God is working with me on.
1. Jesus was always advancing the Kingdom of God in His peaks and in His valleys.
No matter what Jesus was walking through, He was always about His Father's business. What an example. I have been praying a lot recently asking God to show me if there is anything else that I should be doing in my valley to advance His kingdom. For a while now, I have been making excuses as to why I can't and granted there have been some valid moments in this journey where it just wasn't possible to do anything other than sit on the couch. But God is pushing me to a whole new standard. He is pushing me towards greatness which means I have to be willing to push pass what my body is doing to a whole new level. Just when I think I can get a little comfortable, if you can be in a body like mine! Just kidding, I am anything but comfortable...
So, how do I apply this practically? Romans 8:14, " For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God." In other words, I am learning to be a true child of God. If He isn't saying it, I'm not doing it. If He is saying it, I am doing it! I am being led by the Spirit of God everyday, every moment. If I do this, there is no doubt in my mind that I will advance His kingdom whether or not I am on a peak or in a valley.
2. Measure your growth by the people that you affect or influence.
I have always known this. I mean, Jesus told us to go and make disciples. I have never been the best evangelist. I have always had to work at this. God has given me a lot of opportunities to help people to grow and to lead people to Him. I can't say that I have stewarded all of those opportunities like I should have. I have such a passion to see people free. So much that it hurts. It burns in me to see people delivered from fear and doubt. I have a passion to see people grab hold of God's Word so that it can be living and active in them and set them free from everything that the world has to offer. But, are my actions and my life producing this? Well, I know that I am maturing, so I must be in some way. But I want to be intentional about it. God is showing me how to do this practically.
President of Proverbs 31 Ministries and Author, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke at our ladies event last night at church. She said, among many other things, that she is making what she calls, " imperfect progress". In other words, we may not be perfect in the process, but we are still making progress in the midst of our imperfections. That may not be what she meant, but that's how it spoke to me. I am still on a journey and I don't always respond to God the way I should, but ultimately He gets me to where He needs me.
Chad and I are continuing to stand and believe that I am healed. We are standing on the Word of God and it's a living and active weapon in our hands right now. We are staying still and sensitive to His voice and hanging on to every ounce of grace, peace and strength that He has to give us. Yes, this is hard and yes, we are having to fight every thought that drives us to fear and/or to doubt God.
We really have never "been so" free...here's to moving forward!
On Sunday, our pastor preached an amazing message. Everything he said was powerful but there are two things that really stuck out to me that God is working with me on.
1. Jesus was always advancing the Kingdom of God in His peaks and in His valleys.
No matter what Jesus was walking through, He was always about His Father's business. What an example. I have been praying a lot recently asking God to show me if there is anything else that I should be doing in my valley to advance His kingdom. For a while now, I have been making excuses as to why I can't and granted there have been some valid moments in this journey where it just wasn't possible to do anything other than sit on the couch. But God is pushing me to a whole new standard. He is pushing me towards greatness which means I have to be willing to push pass what my body is doing to a whole new level. Just when I think I can get a little comfortable, if you can be in a body like mine! Just kidding, I am anything but comfortable...
So, how do I apply this practically? Romans 8:14, " For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God." In other words, I am learning to be a true child of God. If He isn't saying it, I'm not doing it. If He is saying it, I am doing it! I am being led by the Spirit of God everyday, every moment. If I do this, there is no doubt in my mind that I will advance His kingdom whether or not I am on a peak or in a valley.
2. Measure your growth by the people that you affect or influence.
I have always known this. I mean, Jesus told us to go and make disciples. I have never been the best evangelist. I have always had to work at this. God has given me a lot of opportunities to help people to grow and to lead people to Him. I can't say that I have stewarded all of those opportunities like I should have. I have such a passion to see people free. So much that it hurts. It burns in me to see people delivered from fear and doubt. I have a passion to see people grab hold of God's Word so that it can be living and active in them and set them free from everything that the world has to offer. But, are my actions and my life producing this? Well, I know that I am maturing, so I must be in some way. But I want to be intentional about it. God is showing me how to do this practically.
President of Proverbs 31 Ministries and Author, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke at our ladies event last night at church. She said, among many other things, that she is making what she calls, " imperfect progress". In other words, we may not be perfect in the process, but we are still making progress in the midst of our imperfections. That may not be what she meant, but that's how it spoke to me. I am still on a journey and I don't always respond to God the way I should, but ultimately He gets me to where He needs me.
Chad and I are continuing to stand and believe that I am healed. We are standing on the Word of God and it's a living and active weapon in our hands right now. We are staying still and sensitive to His voice and hanging on to every ounce of grace, peace and strength that He has to give us. Yes, this is hard and yes, we are having to fight every thought that drives us to fear and/or to doubt God.
We really have never "been so" free...here's to moving forward!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Goliiiiiath...stomp, stomp...Goliiiiath
I don't know if any of you were Doughnut Man fans, but one of his popular songs when I was a kid was about Goliath. It was running through my mind this morning along with some truths that God was unlocking for me. The story of David and Goliath keeps popping up lately and this morning God gave me some really powerful things to hang on to from this epic story.
First, the main scripture that I want to correlate with this story is James 2:17, " In the same way, faith by itself if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." We have pretty much all heard this from the pulpit, "faith without works is dead", interpreted many different ways. Being in a position where I am really living a life that is by faith, it has taken on a whole new depth and meaning to me.
To bring it back to the story of David and Goliath, we all know the story, but let me remind us. So basically, its a battle between the Philistines (Goliath's crew) and the Israelites (Saul's crew). Goliath was this man over 9 feet tall the bible says and his armor weighed an amazing amount...let's just say he was big, much bigger than anybody on the other team! David, well, he must have looked like my baby, Sam, looking up to his daddy...lol! As the story goes, David would go back and forth from tending sheep to taking food to his 3 oldest brothers who were on the front lines of this war. Well, one of the days that David went out, Goliath came out and thus this amazing story unfolds. Do you know that Goliath came out on the top of that hill and challenged the Israelites for 40 days before something was actually done? Saul was offering money and even his daughter in marriage to whomever would face Goliath and kill him. Anyway, David, decides that he wants to fight Goliath after a conversation with his brothers calling him "conceited" and "wicked in heart". David was like forget you guys and went straight to Saul and told him that he would fight the giant. I love it, then Saul tries to tell David you can fight him you are only a boy. And David, being the fighter that he is, fights for his right and tells Saul about the lion and the bear that he killed while tending his sheep etc...etc...so Saul gives in and says go ahead, the Lord be with you. Saul then tried to clothe David in his over sized armor and David couldn't even walk in them because they were to heavy and big. So David says thanks but no thanks to Saul and takes his staff, his sling and 5 smooth stones with him to face Goliath.
After some bantering between David and Goliath, the fight between them begins. Basically David, came at Goliath in the name of the Lord, not by might and brute strength like Goliath. David struck Goliath down with a stone to the head, badda bing, and then, well, cut his head off for good measure. All the people cheered and there you go...David and Goliath went down in history!
So, what am I getting out of this:
1. When the battle seems to big to fight and we turn away from the giants in our lives, we miss out on the victory.
There were a lot of soldiers that wouldn't face Goliath, therefore they did not get the reward that Saul was offering. My battle seems harder than it's been and I know that's because I am about to walk into victory. I just have to be brave enough to face it head on and keep pressing through, despite how big and ugly it may look.
2. That bit about the armor being to big and not befitting of David...that to me is like all of my doctors saying to me, " Try this medicine." or " Let's see if this procedure or option will fit your situation and make you better." And here I am saying, " It's too big, it's too heavy, this can't be good for me, if I am gonna fight, I am gonna fight in the manner that God intended me to fight!"
3. And lastly, it wasn't enough for David to just trust and believe God that he could kill Goliath. David had to physically walk out there and face the giant. He had to physically throw that stone and chop off his head. HE HAD TO PUT WORKS TO HIS FAITH!
There are a lot of what I call "faith actions" that God has been telling me take. They are simple to most, but to me it's like facing Goliath with nothing but my trust in the Almighty God, my staff and my sling shot! Still, I am moving forward despite what the Saul's in my life might try to say to me. I am putting action to my faith as the next step to overcoming in this journey.
We are on the last week of the drug wean, then just a couple of weeks of whatever after that, then we should be able to get a good idea of what my body is like without massive amounts of chemicals in it. I am experiencing lots of stuff, but God's grace really has been sufficient. Please keep praying for us. We need it now more than ever.
We know that God is up to really good things and we don't want to run the other way and miss the victory! Love you all and thanks again for walking this out with us...
First, the main scripture that I want to correlate with this story is James 2:17, " In the same way, faith by itself if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." We have pretty much all heard this from the pulpit, "faith without works is dead", interpreted many different ways. Being in a position where I am really living a life that is by faith, it has taken on a whole new depth and meaning to me.
To bring it back to the story of David and Goliath, we all know the story, but let me remind us. So basically, its a battle between the Philistines (Goliath's crew) and the Israelites (Saul's crew). Goliath was this man over 9 feet tall the bible says and his armor weighed an amazing amount...let's just say he was big, much bigger than anybody on the other team! David, well, he must have looked like my baby, Sam, looking up to his daddy...lol! As the story goes, David would go back and forth from tending sheep to taking food to his 3 oldest brothers who were on the front lines of this war. Well, one of the days that David went out, Goliath came out and thus this amazing story unfolds. Do you know that Goliath came out on the top of that hill and challenged the Israelites for 40 days before something was actually done? Saul was offering money and even his daughter in marriage to whomever would face Goliath and kill him. Anyway, David, decides that he wants to fight Goliath after a conversation with his brothers calling him "conceited" and "wicked in heart". David was like forget you guys and went straight to Saul and told him that he would fight the giant. I love it, then Saul tries to tell David you can fight him you are only a boy. And David, being the fighter that he is, fights for his right and tells Saul about the lion and the bear that he killed while tending his sheep etc...etc...so Saul gives in and says go ahead, the Lord be with you. Saul then tried to clothe David in his over sized armor and David couldn't even walk in them because they were to heavy and big. So David says thanks but no thanks to Saul and takes his staff, his sling and 5 smooth stones with him to face Goliath. After some bantering between David and Goliath, the fight between them begins. Basically David, came at Goliath in the name of the Lord, not by might and brute strength like Goliath. David struck Goliath down with a stone to the head, badda bing, and then, well, cut his head off for good measure. All the people cheered and there you go...David and Goliath went down in history!
So, what am I getting out of this:
1. When the battle seems to big to fight and we turn away from the giants in our lives, we miss out on the victory.
There were a lot of soldiers that wouldn't face Goliath, therefore they did not get the reward that Saul was offering. My battle seems harder than it's been and I know that's because I am about to walk into victory. I just have to be brave enough to face it head on and keep pressing through, despite how big and ugly it may look.
2. That bit about the armor being to big and not befitting of David...that to me is like all of my doctors saying to me, " Try this medicine." or " Let's see if this procedure or option will fit your situation and make you better." And here I am saying, " It's too big, it's too heavy, this can't be good for me, if I am gonna fight, I am gonna fight in the manner that God intended me to fight!"
3. And lastly, it wasn't enough for David to just trust and believe God that he could kill Goliath. David had to physically walk out there and face the giant. He had to physically throw that stone and chop off his head. HE HAD TO PUT WORKS TO HIS FAITH!
There are a lot of what I call "faith actions" that God has been telling me take. They are simple to most, but to me it's like facing Goliath with nothing but my trust in the Almighty God, my staff and my sling shot! Still, I am moving forward despite what the Saul's in my life might try to say to me. I am putting action to my faith as the next step to overcoming in this journey.
We are on the last week of the drug wean, then just a couple of weeks of whatever after that, then we should be able to get a good idea of what my body is like without massive amounts of chemicals in it. I am experiencing lots of stuff, but God's grace really has been sufficient. Please keep praying for us. We need it now more than ever.
We know that God is up to really good things and we don't want to run the other way and miss the victory! Love you all and thanks again for walking this out with us...
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