Happy 3 Year Anniversay!!!

Hebrews 11:1, " Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I have been fighting myself all day today on whether or not I should write a blog today. Yep, it's been 3 years today that I heard God say that I am healed of ms. 3 years. So why the fight? Why not total celebration and excitement? Why the above scripture?

I am writing out of obligation to giving all the glory to God for what He is doing in my life. None of you would remember this date unless I posted something, so no offense, but this isn't for you as much as it for me and the process of glorifying the only Person that matters! I can celebrate today because of the above scripture. I can celebrate the fact that despite my body going through every known symptom that I still have ms, that the faith that I have is the evidence of things not yet seen!

I was told a couple of months ago that I should be back on ms medications. Since then I have had, two major, what the neurology world would call flare ups. I'm currently on massive steroids trying to get this current one to subside. But I still hear that still, small voice saying, " You're healed, you're healed."

God is doing some amazing things in the process as usual. To update all of you, there's a new perspective that we have. As you all know, I'm weaning off of a very powerful benzo drug. Almost halfway there! Along the way, I have hit some walls, but God has been gracious to help us find the doors to open along those walls to make it through to the next step.

This past week, we feel the Holy Spirit brought to our attention a new perspective and a way to treat and walk out this perspective. My nervous system is being attacked. Old damage, new damage. Whether it be ms or this drug has been the outstanding question in our  minds.  However, we keep pushing through believing what God said 3 years ago. So this past week, we discovered a medication that has proven helpful in aiding the central nervous system to actually repair and function better. I know, I know, another medication? Yep, we said the same thing. Call us faithless, but we are at a place where we realize that my body needs help to get through this crazy weaning process. My central nervous system needs help to stay alive and have me walking on the other side. So we did our research, prayed, asked questions, prayed, made many calls, prayed...you get it. We decided to start this medication this past Wednesday. You may ask why this medication wasn't brought to our attention by my doctors way before now. Well, it's unconventional and it is not proven to slow the progression of ms so my doctors didn't see it as an option as they still view me as someone with ms. Perspective.

Thursday morning was the 1st day in I can't tell you how long that I woke up and the world wasn't spinning, at least for a couple of hours anyways lol! But hey, I'll take it! We are believing that this new drug along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit is going to eventually help my quality of life to improve. Faithless no, hopeful yes. Is our hope in this drug? NO! It's in the hope that the Holy Spirit keeps revealing to us what is needed in this process of ours to continue to shape us into the people we need to be on the other side of this.

God can totally snap His fingers and take all of this away. And we will never stop asking Him to do so. But until He does, I fully believe He is preparing us for something that is much needed in the advancement of His kingdom. It's not my job to say what that looks like or how long the process should be. It's my job to listen and have faith in Him.

So I celebrate today that I am still in step with Him. That I am still in the process that He is in control of. That I am still dead to my agenda and He is having His way. That the enemy has been defeated because I'm still overcoming. That God is good and He is continuing to make me more like Him.

That my faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Yes! I will celebrate whether I see my circumstances changing because He is worthy of all the glory. Because He is faithful to His promises and His word never returns void!

So there you have it...Happy 3 years...no matter what, keep the faith because one day, it won't just be the evidence of things unseen, but SEEN.

When You Aren't Promised Tomorrow...

You learn that you have to live in victory today!

James 4:13-14, " Now listen, you who say,' Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." 

I was strapping on my shoes this morning doing my usual routine of submitting to the Holy Spirit and putting on each piece of the armor of God and the title of this blog hit me like a ton of bricks. What if tomorrow doesn't come for me? The answer, well, honestly I thought wow, all I have to think about is today and if that's the case, hey, I can do that. It's just one day, right? I know that seems morbid and weird but for someone who struggles everyday with questions like, what does the future hold, will I be able to walk tomorrow, will I even be able to get out of bed and function tomorrow...this is a HUGE relief!

When you look at the word of God there are so many scriptures pertaining to doing things daily. Submitting to the Holy Spirit, daily. Renewing our minds, daily. Putting on the armor of God, daily. This list keeps going and going. Every promise that was made if looked at in the light of today is in effect. If you really think about it, why did Jesus say to renew our minds daily? Why is submission to the Holy Spirit a daily struggle and commitment? Also, do you sleep in armor? I guess we could, but it'd be extremely uncomfortable! We let our guard down and take off our armor and so then we'd have to strap it back on the next day right?

A month ago, I was leading worship and my neck paralyzed right in the middle of me leading a song called " Lord Over All" crazy. I'll tell you what, when your neck paralyzes in front of 1,000 people and almost takes you to the ground multiple times, you'd better believe what you are singing! The next week we were told after 3 years of believing that God healed me of ms that there was an active lesion in the top of my spine causing all the problems. We were told that we'd better start looking at picking up meds for ms again etc, etc. We were also told our only option to stop the inflammation was to up the current steroid that I'm on for my adrenal glands in the hopes to get it to stop.

In the midst of that, a week later, after 3 years of taking the benzo drug that I am currently weaning off of, I completely forgot to take my morning dose and by mid-morning, while at church, I could barely get to the car to get home! I automatically dropped 10% of the meds and my body went into shock! So we thought it might be a good idea to try and stay at that level for week and see if my body would stabilize. If we did that, then I would gain about 10 weeks on this wean, awesome right??? Not so much. By Thursday, I could barely walk or function so we decided to just go up by 5% and my body has been stabilizing slowly but surely, praise God!

We asked God when we went to the neurologist that He would reveal truth that would set us free. Well, we got truth, but freedom is still in the fact that we believe that God has already healed me of ms despite what we see and have been told. So at this time we are not going back on medications for it. Our options were slim and we are doing some natural things and trusting in that word that was spoken so clearly almost 3 years ago.

Every day is a fight to keep our heads above the waves. BUT, if I know all I have to do is worry about today, then I can make a choice to submit and surrender and trust in God for that day and live it to the fullest instead of just trying to survive. When I start thinking about tomorrow, that all goes out the window because I don't have the strength for tomorrow. I only have the strength and grace for today because that is what God has given me. His mercies are new every morning, DAILY.

Matthew 6:34, " Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Oh so very true! So let's take God at His word, submit, surrender, armor up and walk in His mercies and promises and grace that He has provided for today. Renewing our minds to the fact that today is today and we can choose to embrace what God is saying about us or not. Then we can lay our heads down tonight knowing that if tomorrow doesn't come, we lived in victory today.

Freedom Comes With A Price

WOW!  I can't believe how long it's been since my last post! So many exciting things have been going on, I don't even know where to begin. But what brings me here today is a compelling word that has been whirling around in my spirit for a couple of months now, setting me free to another level and our home. I heard the Holy Spirit say this word was worth the time to post. So here goes!

Galatians 5:1, " It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." 

Freedom comes with a price. We've heard this phrase so many times. Especially around national holidays when we are celebrating our freedom and the people it took to allow that freedom to happen...soldiers etc. Freedom comes with a price. Nothing is free, it seems. 

So since my last post I am not only still off of all MS medications (coming up on 3 years!) but I have also weaned from a blood pressure medication and am now weaning from the ever so powerful benzo drug that I have been on. We discovered it was hurting me and not helping me so here we are again with no other choice but to trust God and move forward. I am doing what they call a titration method which basically means that they have turned the pill into a liquid so that I can measure out whatever percentage necessary for each step down in the process. We are taking it so slow that it is going to take me a little over a year to get off of it. A few weeks ago, I was almost halfway there and we hit a wall, as in might have to go to the hospital wall or take more medicine and start from there. So I am in the process of getting stable and then off we go again! In the midst of that, I was offered the amazing honor of becoming the vocal director at our church! Yep, I was thinking the same thing you are..., " What?" We prayed and God said do it and that He would heal me as I go and it has been one of the most life giving things I have ever done. 

I promise all of that ties into what I'm trying to say today! My goal to be free from the grip of this drug, from the grip of the ongoing effects of  nerve damage in my body...to be able to drive again...it has come with a great price. I've been on a roller coaster of every known withdrawal symptom. Because of this and the life God has me in, I have had to sacrifice and pay a tremendous price to keep myself above the waves. Staying in the Word so I can win the battle spiritually, physically and mentally. I have had to stay extremely disciplined with my diet and exercising over the top. Ultimately keeping my mind renewed every moment of the day. This freedom doesn't feel free LOL! 

Just looking at my journey before a diagnosis, the things I've walked through and had to pay a price for and it only makes me think of the price that was paid so that I can even walk through what I've walked through with victory. The price that was paid, the ultimate price, Jesus, His life, crucified, died on the cross for ME. Freedom from death, hell and the grave. Freedom from sickness and disease because of the stripes He bore. Freedom from this world and the pain that comes and the ability to count it all joy. The only difference  in these freedoms is that I didn't have to pay the price, He did. 

Not only did He obtain eternal life for us but He continues to give freely to us through the power of the Holy Spirit who is our Helper and through His Word. Here's where we pay another price by way of SUBMISSION. INTENTIONALLY SUBMITTING TO THE HOLY SPIRIT AND THE WORD IS THE KEY TO VICTORY. 

Do you realize how many battles or shall we say freedoms we have lost just due to the fact that we haven't taken God at His word? The simple act of Ephesians 6:10-17 putting on the full armor of God? He has given us all the equipment, all the tools to face anything and everything. How incredible is that? 

We recently introduced our boys to the concept of literally armoring up and Parker, our eldest son, is so deep into this truth it's awesome and extremely challenging! He wakes up every day like a poster child for the armor of God and will walk into Chad and I and say, " Have you armored up? (pointing his finger at us like the picture of the salvation army poster guy.)" It's so awesome! While awesome, also annoying as in convicting. We were doing home school one morning and I was getting a bit irritated because it was taking a little to long to do a subject and Parker said to me, " Mom, did you put on your shoes of peace?" Oh no he didn't. Then he said, " I have my shoes of peace on me and I'm making them work for me." Hahahahahaha! This boy. So I had to repent and make mine work for me to! 

Freedom is ours. Serious freedom. Whether we feel it or not. We can over come and walk in freedom and victory. Live in freedom, count it all joy and walk an unshakable path. 

John 8:36, " So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." 

Let's take God at His Word! Let's be vocal and intentional about armoring up. Let's make Him Lord and submit and surrender to Him and walk by the Spirit of God therefore producing the fruits of the Spirit in our lives...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. 

I'll leave you with a description of each piece of the armor of God the way we explained to our boys and it's the way I pray and equip myself every day: 

Helmet of Salvation:this is meant to protect our minds from the enemy and the thoughts that so easily over come us. 

Breast plate of Righteousness:so that our hearts can stay pure.

Belt of Truth:so that only truth enters our thoughts and we can walk in it.

Sandals or Shoes of Peace: so that we can be ready to go wherever God leads and walk in great peace knowing it is He who is leading us.

Shield of Faith: is our belief that Jesus will do what He says He will do.

Sword of the Spirit: The Word of God, sharper than any doubled edged sword. Helping us to divide between soul and spirit. It also helps us to use the other pieces of armor effectively because it renews our minds, keeps our hearts pure, helps us to walk in truth and peace and boost our faith! 

This is so simple to do that the enemy tries to make this process more difficult. DON'T LET HIM. Armor up and see how victorious life can be. 

Signing off for now...it was nice talking with you again :-)