"And A Happy New Year"

Well, I know this is kind of cliche, writing a blog to end out the year, but it must be done, by me and many others lol! I had this thought this morning, " Is my/your new year going to be a happy one?" To me, this is a pretty easy answer, but to many not so much and to me before this year it would not have been an easy answer at all. A lot of us are moving forward in our lives, making great progress, reaching goals etc. etc., while still stagnant in some areas, we are still moving. For a lot of us, very little has changed and we are still struggling with the same ol, same ol. And for some of us, absolutely nothing has changed and we are just trying to survive, whoop-ti-doo another new year, right?

I would consider myself to be in the first category. I am moving forward, making progress, but yet there are still some things that haven't changed. There are also some new things that are not so great, but oddly enough spurring on forward progress. But, in the midst of all of this, I can honestly answer my question with confidence. My new year is going to be a happy one!

If there's one lesson that I have learned that I could pull away from this year, although there have been many, is the way I feel, in any area of my life, mentally, spiritually and/or physically, does not change who God is or what He has said in His Word. Number one lesson without a doubt. I have been trying to live my life this whole year that way. I find myself winning MOST days, lol, but obviously there were many days I just needed to go to bed and start over!

God's Word has become the most important thing in my life this year. This is why I can answer my question with great confidence. I am going through a lot, more to even say, physically and spiritually, but because of God's Word, I am going through it with peace. I have two top favorite scriptures that have gotten me through this year:

Proverbs 3:5-8, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones. "

And that it has been, "health to my flesh and strength to my bones"...off of ms meds for a year and half, spent the year singing, the summer going no-stop with my boys, started homeschooling, finished a short version of the cd we've been working on and so much more.

Philippians 4:6-7, "  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

If this scripture is living and active in our lives, how can we not move into the next year with peace and joy? Trust me, I am having to work through my flesh and look past my flesh in a lot of areas of my life to obtain this peace and keep it. It's a fight everyday. But when I fight for it, He fights for me, resulting in peace and a knowing that He's got it all. 

I have no idea what this year holds, but I know that if I stay submitted to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, it doesn't matter. Nothing can touch me that He doesn't allow if I stay within His perfect will for my life. How do I do that? Again, I stay submitted to His Holy Spirit and the Word.  

So, to conclude, from my family to yours, Happy New Year! It's our choice whether it will be happy or not, just remember that. Love to all of you and yours!

Not Again! Back to the Beginning...

Well, not exactly, but it sure does FEEL like it. Those of you who have been on this journey with Chad and I know the journey and the process. It all began with the process of ridding of us from fear and doubt. When I say we are back to the beginning I must explain. We have grown tremendously over this last year and gained back so much ground physically, spiritually and emotionally. By no means is this 2012!

Here's where I find myself over the last 3 months...extreme vertigo, that is starting to be intermittent (praise God!), burning nerves, neuropathy all over my body some days it feels like worms are invading my body, some new things, but mostly old things, but just things that want to rob my knowing that Jesus loves me, to rob my joy and my peace. I have continued to use the Word to fight. I will never stop doing this and yet here's the thought that brings me to my point:

I don't doubt anymore that God CAN do the things that He has promised(maturity, I hope ;), but I have found myself recently doubting whether or not He WILL do or WANTS to do the things He has promised.

While I know that I am on the road to recovering, it's just crazy to me that these things still are sticking around. There are just some things that never go away, some things that keep returning no matter what I do. It can just be outright discouraging sometimes. It can leave a girl kind of hopeless, you know? This is why I have to live and breathe the Word or it would be 2012 all over again.

So, I am not writing without an answer to this craziness! Finally yesterday through our pastor's message and through some amazing encouraging words from an amazing friend and weeks of staying in the Word and not backing off, I got peace, despite what my body is walking through right now.

I really felt the Holy Spirit speak to me and tell me that He's got this, that because I am in the center of His perfect will, nothing can touch me that He doesn't allow. This was part of the message yesterday. Philippians 4:6-7, "  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." This is a scripture that I confess every morning and put into action. I know this is one of the reasons that I don't totally crumble. 

Then a friend reminded me of some of my own words that I sent along to them...Ephesians 6:13-14 talks about putting on the full armor of God so that when evil comes we can stand firm. "Having done all to stand, keep standing." More confirmation that God's got me and that I need to keep standing in the firm belief that God has healed this body and restoration is still in place. That Jesus will not leave me or forsake me in this process. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A FEELING BUT A STATE OF MIND! Would I like for it to be a feeling??? UM, yes please. And I pray that is on it's way. 

Hebrews 10:36, " For you need endurance, so that after you have done God's will, you may receive what was promised." 

I am going to keep enduring, I want to see this through, I want to see His promises alive and active. Don't get me wrong, I have seen them, some of them, but I want to see all the promises that God has laid out for me and died for, don't you? 

Here's what I know, God is faithful, God is love and because of His Word not only CAN He fulfill His promises for me, He also WANTS to restore me, He WANTS to fulfill His promises to me. 

So no matter what we feel or think, God's Word doesn't change and neither does He. I am going to keep trusting and rejoice that even though it feels like nothing is changing, He never does therefore I must be changing! Perfect peace, forward progress, God is God and He is faithful and good.

Barely Hanging On

I am currently sitting in my glider rocking chair in the bay window of my bedroom, looking at the beautiful Christmas tree that we decided to put in our bedroom for the first time ever at Christmas. So two Christmas trees this year, love it! I so love this time of year. Family gathering, good food (or food that we attempt to make good in my case;), cold weather, fires, the reminder that there is always something to be thankful for and the very hope of our existence coming to life, Jesus.

I am writing today, not because I have completely got things under control, but because I am in the process of getting there and I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to share my process with you. I just spent pretty much my whole workout this morning crying and fighting my body, my mind and you know who. Every song that's played on my playlist has been perfect to help me overcome. Every scripture that I have confessed this morning has set me up for a win, yet I don't feel like I'm winning or in the least bit overcoming. Please tell me I'm not the only one who goes through this.

After the vitamin D toxicity report, I was told that I am extremely anemic ( a 6 and I should be over 15). I was told iv iron or do supplements until we can get things built back up. Long story short, I went to my doc knowing that God wanted me to get off of my acid reflux meds. Well come to find out acid reflux meds can cause iron deficiency so my doc and I were in full agreement that this is the next step in the process, get off of acid reflux meds, get my iron up. If we can do this, then maybe the next med to come off of will be the blood pressure meds, as my blood pressure shouldn't be so low if I can retain iron etc. Then what's left is adrenal meds and then the beloved benzo :). Forward progress. We are about 3 weeks into this process now.

For the last two months I have had nothing but symptom after symptom attacking me. Dizziness so bad the walls have been holding me up. Every part of my body tingling and making me feel like I can't walk or drive or take care of my precious boys (yet I am still doing all of this). Burning nerves, you name it. For the last two months, I feel like all I do is strive to survive everyday. I am literally exhausted by the end of the day in my mind, body and spirit because I feel as though I am having to be constantly on guard. Against my own mind, my body, the enemy...I have been trying to pretend like everything is normal and that I can do this. Fighting the mind war of this is all my fault that I feel this way. I don't want to burden my husband, my family, my friends. I can go to Stone Mountain and climb it (which I did!), I can do Thanksgiving, I can get my house decorated for Christmas...I can do this, I can do that, there's nothing go on. But there is and I am admitting right now that this is the first time in over a year that I am having to fight fear and keep fighting and hanging on to the promises of God. The truth is my body feels wrecked, no matter what I do, it feels wrecked and broken and I am tired. I don't want to fight, I don't want to overcome, I just want to lay in my bed and give in if I'm honest. BUT GOD WON'T LET ME. My spirit man as tired as it is, is still strong enough because I have been diligently seeking Him and His Word and no matter how wrecked this body is, my spirit overrides everything even if it's just barely.

Here's the scripture that God lays on me...Psalm 71:14, " But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more."

Here's what I hear Him saying to me through this, " Mandy, don't lose hope, not now, keep at it, the worse you feel, the more you need to praise Me. The more defeated you feel, the more you need to praise Me. The more you feel in your body, the more you need to feel Me and know that I am here, that I will deliver you. I am for you, not against you. The more out of control you feel, the more in control I AM."

And my response with full on tears, " Okay, but I can't even do this without Your help Jesus. I need to know Your grace is sufficient. I need to know that Your promises are alive and active in me. That healing is not a feeling."

There are so many of you who are going through such great struggle and don't feel like He is there. I feel completely ungrateful and stupid (if I can say this word) for even typing the majority of this in comparison of what I know a lot of you are going through right now in your life. I mean this, so don't feel bad for me, this is not why I blog, you all know that.

So my fork in the road, my crossroads...to hope or not...to trust or not...to overcome or not...to praise Him even more or not. You all know my answer. I can't go back, I won't go back, I will keep moving forward and trusting in Him and not leaning on my own understanding even if it's through tears and discomfort. It's harder to do this today, but you and I both need to know that it's still possible. Even if it's just barely, it still counts.

TOXIC, Yet Again!

This year has been amazing! I have been taking back what the enemy came to steal from me and living life and still am to the most that I can! I thank God every day for that. Over the last year we have been keeping checks and balances in place with supplements and some medications that have been necessary. With that, I have been getting routine blood work to keep everything in check etc. It's been a bit of a roller coaster learning to balance all the supplements etc. There have been a few times, like now where I have become toxic in a particular area and I have to adjust and start over etc. and the cycle continues.

Over this last month, I started experiencing some things physically that I knew were linked to a chemical imbalance in my body. Extreme vertigo, exhaustion, nausea, headaches...the list goes on and on. Just yuck! Well, I have felt this before and so I initiated my routine blood work knowing full well that my vitamin D would be way over what it should be as I have walked this out before. Don't worry there is a point to all of this besides me just rambling about my physical issues! Anyway, the Holy Spirit being the guide that He is to me said very clearly, get off the vitamin D after you get the blood work done. So I did. I had the blood work done a week ago today and yesterday was able to get some of the results.

Get this, your vitamin D levels are supposed to be in the range of 10.0 to 75.0. Want to know where my level is??? I have you all excited now don't I? lol...come on this is exciting stuff (said no one ever)! My level right now is 191.7! Yep you read that right...a little over, you think?

I am sharing all of this to point out a few victories in the midst of this.

1. Never once through all the symptoms did I fear or doubt that I was going to be okay and that God was going to take care of it. No fear, no doubt, just complete dependence on the Word of God and the promises that He has laid out in front of me.

I have operated normally, taking care of my home, my boys, my husband and even singing in the midst of it, actually a lot more than usual (not a coincidence). Working out still everyday, just living.

2. I heard the Holy Spirit speak and I knew it was Him. Huge victory for me! I love that I can recognize His unwavering, still small voice.

3. I obeyed His voice and am seeing the physical manifestation of that.

After a week of being off the vitamin D, a lot of my symptoms are already starting to die down. Do I feel 100%, no, but better than a week ago, so victory! Come on Jesus!

There are so many scriptures I could bring to the table on this one, but I just mainly wanted to bring this to all of you to say, maturity is possible! If I can do it, you can to! If we take up the Word and submit to the Holy Spirit, He will take care of even the smallest things in our lives. He is so good.

In order for me to overcome, I have had to keep my mind renewed. In order for me to stay fearless and full of belief that He is going to keep His promises, I have had to keep myself grounded, hanging onto my unshakeable Jesus. With that, I am able to hear Him and know it's Him and then obey and see Him fulfill His promises. He has this for all of us. Let me say that once more, He has this for all of us.

He doesn't want us to be toxic in any area of our lives. He wants life and victory from toxicity in our bodies, our minds and our spirits. Just stay submitted and see Him at work.

It's Tricky but it's most definitely a Treat

I have been sitting on this for a couple of weeks now. Not knowing how to approach it. But I guess given the title this is the week to talk about it! Being led by the Spirit. A common thing in my life right now, as you all know. The whole concept of not moving unless He speaks. Truly being led by His thoughts, actions, words etc. I have found this to be very tricky but yet extremely rewarding, like reaching into a cookie jar and finding that one cookie with the most chocolate chips in it! Well, it's way more amazing than that, but you get my point.

The Holy Spirit has been talking to me about not only what it means to be led by the Spirit but also what being led by the Spirit should be producing in my life.

Galatians 5:22-25, " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us us keep in step with the Spirit."

So, this scripture has been reeling in my mind for these last couple of weeks. I have been questioning, okay, am I really walking in step with the Spirit of God? How much have I really matured in this area? Well here's my grid. This is the scripture that helps me gauge where I am truly at in this area. Am I producing the fruit that should be produced by being led by the Spirit of God, by walking in step with Him? Let's break it down...take a little test per say...

Love-to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection
I can say this particular fruit is fairly easy for me to walk in, especially for those who are close to me. God has definitely matured me in my love for those that are not close to me, if you read my last blog, you can see evidence of that.

Joy-a state of happiness or felicity(bliss)
I know for sure that this is a fruit that is being produced in my life! After last year and all it's madness and all things that are not joyful, I can say I have taken having joy to a whole new level lol! Life is to short to not try to find joy in everything that is around me.

Peace-untroubled;tranquil; content
Okay, now this one is a little harder because to stay in this state and produce this fruit, I have to keep Philippians 4:6-7 right in front of me everyday. But when I do submit to this word, then peace is produced.

Patience-quiet, steady perseverance, even tempered care; diligence
I have always said this has never been a strong attribute of mine, but in reading this definition, I have to say that most of it I can confidently say I am walking it out. In order to be where I am physically, spiritually and emotionally these days, I have had to live out this definition every moment.

Kindness-friendly feeling; liking
Um, still working on this one. I know, that sounds awful. I am a naturally friendly person and I can love everybody, but I am really having to work on the whole liking part :-)

Goodness-moral excellence; virtue
Well, I'd be lying if I said I was excellent at anything because that would require some level of perfection that I cannot claim to have in any area of my life. However, when I am submitted to the Holy Spirit, I walk in excellence and virtue. So I guess the maturity here is that I have this quality because of my willingness to submit.

Faithfulness-reliable, trusted, or believed. 
With the risk of sounding prideful, this is a fruit that I believe I have successfully learned to walk out.

Gentleness-kindly; amiable
I'm kind, and mostly amiable ;-)

Self-control-control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings, etc. 
Okay, now this is really the one that God has been talking to me about big time. It's not like I am walking around beating people up or anything. But I am an emotional person, if you haven't noticed, well at least internally and when things are stirring in me it's hard for me to control what comes out of my mouth sometimes. I will say, because of the Holy Spirit and the Word, it has gotten easier to control those opinions and say what He wants, not speak out of my emotions or my feelings, but more out of what is truth or fact. Now, physically, especially this time of year, self-control in the area of eating, at least the very little that I can eat, I have felt so convicted! Wanting sweets and all the things that I know reek havoc on my body...God has been working with me on this. I have to be able to control myself in all areas if I am being led by Him. This is sooooo hard!

Okay so my grade on this test...well it's certainly not an A+ but I am working on it! I want to produce the fruits of being led by the Spirit otherwise how do I know that I am really being led by Him in every area of my life. I know that we will always fall short, so by no means am I putting that pressure on myself, however, I will strive to do my best.

It's tricky walking by the Spirit because we are made of flesh and we live in a fleshy world. But when we realize that we have authority over this world and over our flesh and the ability to submit to the Spirit of God it's most assuredly an incredible treat and honor to walk with Jesus, Himself and all that He is.

A Week of Weeping

I have been waiting for the Holy Spirit to allow me to write this week. And now all of the sudden in my exhausted state, yet grateful state, and sorrow that has finally been allowed to flow after standing strong as long as possible, He allows me to.

This morning I had the absolute honor of singing and celebrating a sweet, amazing woman of God who was taken from this world way to early. Leaving behind a mom, a dad, a sister and brother-in-law and many others I'm sure I will never know. Yes, a plot of the enemy no doubt, but God still getting the glory for it. It was powerful, sad, tragic...the list could go on, but ultimately, she was celebrated and God got all the glory.

Tomorrow, I get the incredible honor of singing and celebrating an amazing man of God, that was also taken way before his time. Leaving behind a beautiful wife and 6 amazing children. Another plot of the enemy, not in the order of what the Word of God and the promises that He has laid out for us. Tragic in it's own way. Yet, God will get all the glory for his life as well tomorrow and for days to come, I have no doubt.

There has been such an opportunity to live under such a banner of death and oppression this week. Not just from the two amazing people that I speak of in this blog but even more that are within my spiritual family, who are suffering great loss on this earth.  It's funny how the enemy thinks he has won by destroying our flesh. Yes it's so sad to lose those we love, but for the believer, we are here one second and then with Jesus the next when our flesh is done and because of our relationship with Jesus, our legacy lives on and He continues to get all the glory. No victory for the enemy if we have the right perspective.

Before these last two years, I didn't ever really show my emotion. I am an introvert when it comes to that...I know, you're like, " whatever, yeah right". But those of you who know me, know this to be the truth. But God, in His process with me, has broken me so deeply, where that has changed for the betterment of me and for the advancing of His Kingdom. What's awesome is that it's not my flesh crying out, it's the Spirit of God, who is so active and alive in me, crying out for His people. He has given me the privilege of feeling His heart in certain situations. An honor yes, no doubt. The most painful thing I could ever feel emotionally yes, no doubt.

Romans 8:26, " In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

It's hard to know what to pray, when no words seem right. I've always thought myself weak in that broken down state, but the Word says that even Jesus, Himself has wordless groans. When I am weeping and groaning, it's wordless, I'll tell you that much. I am weak, but being connected and submitted to His Spirit makes me sensitive to His heart and what He cares about making me stronger and more effective in His Kingdom. 

This, my friends, only comes by us dying to ourselves and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us. We have to get out of the way so that He can be the WAY. I can't help but believe that the enemy wouldn't have the ability to cause such destruction if we all strive to live this way, sensitized to Him. 

We will all face death. Fact. But, I believe it's for God to determine the how, the what, the when, not this world. Although we live in a fallen world, we have authority over this world the Word says. SO LET'S WALK THAT WAY! Let's be righteously angered when God's people are taken before their time. That's what makes us move and aware that we do not fight against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). That's our reality as believers. We are spirit beings, we are not of this world and never will be. I sure don't want to be. I know you don't either. Let's walk it out together, let's rally and take authority where authority has been given and keep the victory that our loving and faithful Jesus has paid an amazing price for.

My Life is a Zoo

Not really, well, kind of a little ;-) But it is so awesome. I had to share another great step of success in this amazing journey! I took the the boys to the Zoo today all by myself for the very first time! The weather was perfect and so were they! We not only went but walked around for two hours. For those of you who know what this journey has been know what a huge deal that is!

Last Wednesday thru Saturday Chad and I got the opportunity to go away for our anniversary. We haven't gone away for our anniversary since Parker was born, so 5 years. It. was. amazing. We rode our bikes pretty much every where we went, physically amazing. I even did the gym every morning we were away! More great success. Last year, on our 10 year anniversary, we spent the evening getting me through an allergic reaction to a medication and pretty much crying the whole evening and the next morning to the point of doubting the very existence of God. I know, so low, so horrible, but we could only climb up from there and we have.

This year has been the year of taking back what the enemy stole on top of gaining new ground in the Kingdom of God. It's been incredible to say the least.

I would love to say that all the mountains in my life have been removed, but they haven't. Not yet. I will always put my hope in God's Word that I can have complete restoration here in the land of the living.

Isaiah 55:11, " So shall my Word be that goes forth from my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."

3 John 1:2, " Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be healthy, even as your soul prospers."

Whatever the future holds, I choose to believe the Word of God first and foremost. It's the best way to live. No matter what, period.

Praying that all of you are celebrating the things that may seem small to others but are so very big in your world and to God! 

Strength Training

So today, I started re-incorporating strength training into my morning workouts. Up until now I have just been running everyday out of concern that I might irritate some things in my body if I tried the whole lifting weights etc. I have been praying about it and the Holy Spirit finally said it was time so today was the day!

You know how when you first start lifting again or even just working out after it's been awhile and afterwards your muscles feel like jello? Yeah, that's me right now and trust me I started out nice and light.

As I was praying and buffing up ;-), I realized this totally applies to us spiritually. If you have followed this blog for any amount of time you know how passionate I am about the Word of God and the power and authority it holds in our lives when we truly use it and wield it the way God intended us to. I started to think about this in conjunction with my strength training.

I remember when I first started to wield the Word, it was hard, it was like working out a muscle that had never or had not been worked out in quite some time. It burned and felt like jello at first but then it became second nature to pick it up and wield after some time of working out that muscle. And then eventually, I had to increase my weight in order to continue to see results and not grow stagnate. That's where I am now spiritually.

Isaiah 40:31, " But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint."

While it is so important to work on the condition of our heart, cardio in exercise land, it is also super important to tone and strengthen our muscles. To wait on the Lord and renew our strength. To wield the Word so we can run even faster and not grow weary in our journey. To walk and not faint at the slightest test of our faith.

We have to get it all working together in order to see results. And we need results. When I say we, I mean me! I need them every moment, every day. No going back for me. I pray it's that way for you to. Exercise that muscle and watch God strengthen you in a way you have never seen before. 

I Just Want To Cry

Do you ever have those days where you just want to cry? Sometimes you don't even know why, sometimes or most times it's because God is so good you just can't do anything else to express your thankfulness to Him. Or maybe the world is beating you down and you just can't take it anymore. Or maybe you have just started homeschooling a kindergartner and a pre-schooler, in the midst of the pre-schooler potty training (I know, let's not talk about it :-). Whatever  it may be you know that if you could just have a good cry, it would just feel really good!

Sometimes, we cry out of passion, sorrow, happiness and pain. I find that I have cried tears in all of these areas! A lot. Emotion, sheesh, I don't know what God was thinking! It sure does make things difficult sometimes, especially when you are an introvert who'd much rather keep things to herself. Keep it all bottled up.

Over the years I have learned that it's obviously okay to cry. Even Jesus wept (John 11:35). Shortest scripture in the Bible, right? He wept, He cried out, He had emotion when He was happy or sad. Well, we were made in His image so there you go. 

Honestly, most of my days these days are filled with tears that are expressing my absolute gratitude to God for all that He has done and all that He is doing. I am just so speechless and the only way to get it out is tears.

I am seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. My favorite chapter in the Bible, Psalm 27:13, " I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

I believe this Word and every word out of the mouth of  God with all of my heart. His Word is my lifeline. I know I've said this so many times it's probably annoying at this point, but I don't care. The Word of God, Jesus, Himself the living and active Word, if given attention in your life, WILL change you from the inside out. It will redeem, restore, convict and set you free.

 John 1:1, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." This has really been a word that is changing me because I realize that it's not just the words out of God's mouth that are setting me free but it's God Himself, the living Word fighting on my behalf every day that I confess and wield Him as the weapon He is. Amazing right? God Himself, fighting on my behalf. Now that's enough to make you cry for joy. In the midst of it all, mountain high or valley low, God is God and He is sooooooo good.

Oh.My.Word.

Definitely a common expression in our generation! But I have a different way of using it today. Oh my Word as in the Word of God. The Sword of the Spirit, my weapon! Cheesy, you might be thinking, oh well, deal with it! I woke up with this title in my spirit and couldn't shake it!

Those of you who follow this blog closely know how passionate I am about the Word of God and the authority that it has in our lives if we learn how to apply it and wield it correctly. God is continually narrowing my focus on this and I am learning so much and seeing so much of God's agenda being fulfilled in my life and the lives of others as they do the same thing.

Proverbs 13:13, " Whoever despises the Word brings destruction on himself, but he who reveres the commandment will be rewarded."

Whoa, that's a strong Word. No gray area there! You might say, " Well despise is a pretty strong word." Despise means to regard with contempt, distaste, disgust, disdain; scorn; loathe. That is strong, but there are some words in there that aren't so strong. We may not have a distaste for the Word or be disgusted with it, but we may loathe having to do what the Word of God requires us to. It takes an effort and a sacrifice on our part therefore we "despise" it in some way because it's requiring something of us that we may not be ready to give.

Being honest here, I despised the Word. Last year, I was almost mad at it because I couldn't see the fruit of it and didn't see the point because every time I would get into the Word it seemed like the enemy would come at me harder or just the world itself would come bearing down on me even stronger. So I was thinking well what in the world??? Well obviously I had a lot of changing that needed to happen in my heart and then my approach to God and the Word changed and then I started to see myself change from the inside out. I started to recover physically, mentally and emotionally.

Hebrews 11:6, " But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."

 John 1:1, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

So if we put these together...what do we get? So if God is the Word and He has called us to diligently seek Him then that means apart of seeking Him and knowing Him is knowing the Word! And when we do this He rewards that! I am all about rewards lol! 

I want all that God has for me. That sounds really selfish, but I am pretty sure He wants that too, otherwise why would He offer it so freely? So, yes, oh my Word, I love my big God and His Word. It's my weapon against the enemy and this world, it's my daily bread...nothing is more satisfying and NOTHING is more powerful.

What A Nightmare!

Sub-consciencely that is. Over the last month I have been having countless nightmares. Some that wake me to crying and some that just stir me enough to where I feel like I haven't rested. These nightmares are all over the place but have a common theme. Death and destruction. The main idea of them is that I find myself dealing with the fact that I am not healed of sickness and disease. I have these dreams that my body is not recovering and then when I wake up the next day the enemy tries to bring symptoms that back up the dreams he has sent my way. Obviously a complete lie.


I haven't felt the release to blog about this until now because I have truly been able to overcome this current attack. And I am still overcoming, but it's starting to make me righteously mad! It's funny, in the day, I have the Word and can use every ounce of authority that God has given me and fight off the devil and his schemes and he knows it. But in the night when I am not awake he is trying to find new ground to conquer. So each morning I wake, I take up my sword and my shield of faith and keep on going! Some of these dreams have been about people I don't even know, which is a dead give away that it's the enemy torturing me. Totally random and really quite ridiculous.

We had a guest pastor in last weekend and since then I can't seem to settle my spirit, in a good  way. His challenge was based on Nehemiah. The summary, Nehemiah got a report about a certain city and it moved him so much that it stopped him in his tracks and he fell to his knees and wept and prayed and within the next 52 days of his life he went in and completely changed this city and made a huge difference in the Kingdom of God and the lives of the people. He found the thing that moved him and he went after it with all of his heart.

I have had God speak to me different bits and pieces of what it is that moves me. Of what it is that drops me to my knees and makes me want to cry and make a difference in the Kingdom and in the lives of others. But I can't seem to put it all together and get to that place where it makes sense to be able to move and go with it.

The main thing that keeps surfacing is the fact that I all of sudden have this overwhelming compassion for the sick. I know, your saying, duh, because of what you've been through, why wouldn't you. Well that's part of it, but 99% of it is because I have died to myself and my agenda and my way of thinking therefore God has given me a heart of mercy and compassion that I never had before. This is gonna sound really bad but I have never, ever been known for my gift of mercy and compassion.

Yesterday, I was moved by the Holy Spirit to go and visit a friend in the hospital. It was quite awesome because I went there for the first time in a long time by choice not because I had to! I went in with great courage and strength and then I couldn't get out of there fast enough before I completely lost it. I called Chad to process what I was feeling. I was angry, sad, frustrated, feeling hopeless and confused. I couldn't handle seeing all of those people sick and not walking in everything that God has for them. I know that this was God's heart and burden being expressed in and through me.

Romans 8:26, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

We cannot believe that God, Himself doesn't grieve over the things that He has paid the price for, that He has laid down His life for and doesn't see coming to pass in our lives and the lives of others. He is interceding for us with GROANS that words cannot express. That is a deep, deep expression.

I don't like to feel what I felt yesterday, but you know what, it is causing me to move towards that which God has called me to do. Just like Nehemiah, that was God in him causing him to be moved with compassion. It was painful for Nehemiah to feel that, but it made him move forward and make a difference, a huge difference. I want to do that, no matter how bad it hurts.

Just one more thing, last night was our Engage the Spirit worship night. I had made a deal with God that if I drew near to Him, that He would do His part and draw near to me by way of the symptoms I deal with when I am singing etc. I know, bold. However, I was holding God to His Word and He most certainly came through. My desire was to lead with boldness and authority. Well during the 3rd song of the night all the power went out and the next song on the list was one that I was to lead, "No Sweeter Name". So we all gathered, in the dark, around the stairs, guitars, singers and congregation and we began to sing as one voice. Really the congregation led me! It was so amazing, not what I pictured, but I led with authority and the Name of Jesus was exalted. On top of that, I had no symptoms last night! I felt so free physically, emotionally and mentally. Thank You Jesus.

So I guess, what I am saying or trying to say today is that I am feeling the urgency to move and to walk out and to put into action that thing in me that has caused me to stop and weep and pray like Nehemiah did. I am praying that God will allow me to put it all together to where He can be glorified and the next leg of this journey I am on can began.

Potty Training

We have officially started the potty training journey with our 3 1/2 year old, Sam! Yeah, don't judge me, he just hasn't been ready and neither have I after spending 2 years fighting with my now 5 year old, Parker, who is finally completely trained. Now that our busy Summer is calming down, I felt the peace of God to start and felt the timing was right, so here we go. God's grace is sufficient right??? LOL!

Anyway, I was contemplating this process of potty training and the Holy Spirit was reminding me that this process is much like our process with Him. With Sam, and with Parker, I had to train and remind them every step of the way, if you need to go potty, remember, don't pee pee or poo poo on the floor, remember here is your potty etc. It's constant until the habit forms and they've got it on their own. Success!

This is so how God is with us. First, just like with potty training, we have to say goodbye to the diapers and put on our big boy/girl underwear. Then we have to have our parent remind us of the change and keep reminding us until we get it.

If we want to be big boys and girls in the Kingdom of God we have to say goodbye to the diapers and put on our big boy/girl underwear! The way we do that is to totally submit ourselves to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. We have to allow Him to remind us and keep reminding us so we can mature. Sam has to submit to me as his authority in order for this process to work, right? Otherwise, it's gonna be a long road. Example, Parker, two years, with breaks in between because of submission issues (he really is the best kid ;).

This morning as I was praying before my workout, I realized over the last couple of weeks, while I have stayed in the Word, I haven't intentionally submitted myself to the Holy Spirit and His agenda which is super easy to do when you are constantly on the go, but still, no excuse. So I re-committed to that and I felt the weight I have been feeling with potty training starting, getting ready for homeschooling to start and just getting back into the routine of life itself lift off my shoulders. Peace and grace.

Proverbs 3:5-8, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones."

If Sam were to lean on his understanding regarding potty training, he would never get trained because he doesn't know how to on his own. Same with us and God, we cannot lean on our own understanding when it comes to God and His ways, we have have trust in Him and let Him direct us, then the maturing begins!

The Summer of Perspective

Cue a big sigh from me right now! We are finally back after two weeks of conferencing and vacationing. While it's been a lot of fun, I am really glad to be home, especially in my own bed! It has been an incredible Summer and although it's not quite over yet, it is getting close. We are starting to get ready for school to start and the Fall routine to set in. It's exciting. And it has caused me to take a close look at what God has accomplished this Summer compared to last Summer in my life.

Perspective: the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it. God has given me perspective, the proper and accurate point of view and the ability to see what He has done this year and just within these last 3 months.

Last Summer, this time, I had just gotten off of the ms medications and I was also weaning off of the benzo drug that I am still currently on. To say the least, I was going through physical hell. I wrote many blogs during that time, but the one that stands out to me is " Having done all to stand...Stand". It's the one about Lot's wife looking back on Sodom and Gomorrah and turning into a pillar of salt. She disobeyed God and therefore suffered the consequences. We believe that on August 1st God healed me of ms. And since then, we have been tempted to look back but instead we have stayed obedient to God's Word and we have not looked back.

Now here we are a year from that moment and I am happy to say that we have not turned into pillars of salt! Does that mean my body is completely cooperating or that we still don't have some major mountains that need to be removed? NO! But perspective is a great thing. What makes us as God's kids stand out in the storms is the fact that we keep the proper or accurate point of view of the situation. The only way we can do that is by seeing things the way God sees them and the only way we can do that is to know Him and the only way we can do that is to stay in the Word, constantly!!!

This Summer, not only have I been out of bed, but I have been working out almost every single day, I have spent the entire Summer in the pool with my boys, helped my best friend move back to California, driven where ever I have needed to go, planned a beach getaway for my sister's birthday, been to a week long conference and a week long vacation afterward. I did all the going, the packing, the shopping, you name it! I have been able to be a person, a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter and a friend. Last Summer, I was a limp noodle in a bed, just trying to survive.

A few living and active promises that I confess everyday that really stand out are the following:

Isaiah 40:31, " Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Jeremiah 33:6, " Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth."

Isaiah 41:10, " Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Proverbs 9:10-11, " The fear of the Lord is the beginning  of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For by me your days will be multiplied, and years of life will be added to you."

No explanation needed. These scriptures speak for themselves. They have been living and active promises and weapons in my life this Summer. I have not lost sight of God's perspective vs mine. If I do I will surely become a pillar of salt.

As we keep moving forward, I know that God's promises WILL NOT FAIL ME. The mountains that need to be removed, will be. The symptoms that need to go away, will go away. Perspective...it's a powerful thing when you take on God's and not your own.

Happy 1 Year Anniversary-A Day To Remember

I just walked up to our hotel room here at our Every Nation GO Conference from attending our Ladies's Luncheon. It was amazing. Our pastor's wife, Mrs. Debbie Austin, spoke and she always brings such an amazing word. She is a woman who has overcome many obstacles to be in the place where God has set her. Just really an amazing testimony.

It's been an incredible week and we still have a couple of days left of the conference but I had to stop long enough to celebrate this day, a day to truly remember. Today, one year ago, is when Chad and I believe that God completely healed me of MS. Today, one year ago, was the day my doctors called and told me to get off of the ms drugs because they were hurting me and not helping me. Today, one year ago, I no longer had to stick myself with needles and be in bondage to a disease. Today, one year ago, I no longer doubted that God is truly who He says He is. Today, one year ago, my miracle happened and restoration in my body began.

As I continue on this incredible journey of restoration, I continue to see God move in powerful ways. My journey isn't finished yet when it comes to fighting for the battle for my mind and my body to function the way it's supposed to. But one of the many powerful promises of God that I continue to stand on is found in John 8:36 which says, " If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed."

Nicely put! There you have it! No ifs, ands or buts...if Jesus has set me free, which He has, then I am free. He doesn't go back on His Word. Isaiah 55:11, "So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but is shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."

Chad and I cannot enter into a place ever again of doubt that God healed my body. The reason, because we walk by the Spirit and not by the flesh. The Word of God is living and active and therefore is the driving force behind every thought and action. So it doesn't matter what I feel or see. It only matters what God says. I am recovering and will continue to. 

I think it no coincidence that I am attending a conference this week with the theme of GO. Over the last 8 years it's been nothing but STOP. Over this last year, God has let me GO and keep going and going and going. He is so faithful, He is so good, He is so powerful and I continue to cling to Him so that nothing can shake me. 

So, Happy 1 Year Anniversary to me and many more to come! Thank you for praying and continuing to build us up and encourage us through our journey. Each of you are a vital part of this process and we thank God for all of you. 

"Still My Soul" PRE-RELEASE FINALLY AVAILABLE!!!

I was running for the first time in about 6 days this morning. Just needed it despite what my body is telling me. It's been a little, I wouldn't say stressful but just busy with us gearing up for our world conference and getting the 4 song Pre-release for my CD ready to be distributed at the conference. We have been waiting all week for our stuff to go live and ready for purchase and this morning while I was running away on my elliptical, Chad walks in with the laptop and shows me that it's live and ready!!!!!!!! I literally started to cry, while running!!!! Hahahahahahaha...I felt such a release. I also felt like I needed to get it together so I wouldn't pass out while running LOL! I felt everything lift and I felt like in that moment I could run faster than ever! The fullness of time. I felt God's pleasure and excitement.

So before I give you info to access the music, I have to explain why the title "Still My Soul". It's two fold for me.

1. Given what we've been through, the title means:

Psalm 34:1-10, "I will bless the Lord at all times;His praise shall continually be in my mouth.² MY SOUL shall make its boast in the Lord;The humble shall hear of it and be glad.³ Oh, magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together.⁴ I sought the Lord, and He heard me,And delivered me from all my fears.⁵ They looked to Him and were radiant,And their faces were not ashamed.⁶ This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,And saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him,And delivers them.⁸ Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!⁹ Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.¹⁰ The young lions lack and suffer hunger;But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."  

So despite what I have been through, still, my soul, will bless the Lord, no matter what. 

2. My soul in these last years has had to learn to be still and wait on the Lord to a whole new level. I have had to learn long suffering, perseverance and patience like never before. I am still learning and will probably be learning until the end of my days! My soul has genuinely been stilled and this music represents that. 

So to conclude, here's how all of you can access the music: You can go to www.mandyswartz.com or Mandy Swartz Music on Facebook. You can also "Like" me on Faceback at Mandy Swartz Music if you haven't already. 

Chad and I are so excited to see everything that we have been walking through be used for the glory of God and we are so excited to be able to FINALLY  share it with all of you! We are praying that God's favor will saturate this whole thing as He has done up to this point. Thanks for praying and standing with us!

M.I.R.A.C.L.E.

God is so amazing! This morning, I awake feeling one step closer to recovering from whatever this stuff is that has been trying to attack my body. The reason? Two fold I believe, 1. Jesus is a healing God and 2. I took my rightful place and authority that God has given me through my relationship with Him and through His amazing living and active Word. Take a look at this acronym that God gave me for the word Miracle:

My
Initiative
Recalls
Authority
Causing
Life to
Exist

I guess I didn't really put together the fact that my initiative to confess the Word of God every day is what recalls the authority that Jesus has given me to cause life and not death in my body and in every area of my life! What an amazing revelation!

Luke 9:1-2, "When Jesus had called the Twelve together, He gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, ² and He sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick."


First of all we have to understand that Jesus gave us authority. Once we realize this we can walk with our heads high. I found myself yesterday as I do most days, not asking Jesus to heal me, because He already did that. Did you hear me? He already did that. He already did His part. He already died on the cross and gave us His Word and authority. I found myself speaking to the things that were going wrong in my body, telling them to line up with what Jesus already paid the price for. Silly? Not at all. I was telling my nerves and my nervous system and everything else going haywire to line up to the authority and the Word of God. I had to initiate my authority and it started to cause life to exist in my body and not death. 


Proverbs 18:21, " The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Here we go again with what we SAY. We have to SAY and CONFESS the Word. That's where our authority lies and miracles happen! We find in Psalm 103:1-5 that we are having to make our souls bless the Lord. We are having to speak to our souls and remind our souls of God's amazing benefits. As we do that we are confessing and reminding our souls, our bodies, our minds and our spirits of all that God has already done. Again, us taking the initiative to recall authority causing life to exist in us! 

One more scripture and then I will stop...for now! Psalm 107:19-20, " Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble (that's us, crying out, that would mean making some noise :), and He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His Word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."

I believe this is what God does for me everyday that I follow that acronym. He produces miracles in my life and delivers me from the destructive power of this world. And let me make this clear. I don't just have to spend 5 minutes in the morning doing this, most times, I have to keep at it all day. I have to keep confessing and reminding my body and the enemy where my authority lies. So don't give up if you don't see instant results. You can trust Him. Just take up your authority and watch God produce life in you!

Guard Your Hearts and Minds

So here I am, sitting in my little corner on the couch, on a Sunday morning when I should be getting ready to go church. At least that would be my agenda and usually I would assume it's God's too. Here we are a week away exactly from our Every Nation World Conference down in Disney where I have been given the incredible opportunity to not only go but go and promote the 4 song pre-release of my album " Still my Soul". We have been working diligently to get everything rolling and ready and it's been so exciting! Oh and one other MAJOR thing...I am less than 2 weeks away from being completely ms medication free for a year!

So why am I telling you all of this? Because, right now in this moment, I am having to stand on the promises of God like never before. I am having to believe what God's Word says despite what my body is telling me. Yes, that's right, it's that whole flesh thing that flares up every time God is about to do something big. As I was reading this morning, here's what revy God brought my way...

Philippians 4:6-7, " Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, WILL GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS through Christ Jesus."

As I do almost everyday, I personalize a lot of the scripture that I confess and this one has been one that I can't help but personalize over the last couple of weeks. There has been much in my life to be anxious over, not just my body, I have figured out how to ignore it for the most part. But we have had 2 funerals within the last two weeks, 4 birthdays in our family in the last two weeks, working on a cd release and getting ready now for a major conference. Here's the thing...I'm actually extremely grateful that I have been physically able to keep up. God is so amazing.

Anyway, what stuck out to me is that I have been having to really guard my heart and my mind from the schemes of the enemy but also from just myself, my flesh. Without this skill, I would not have the peace that passes all understanding that I have now. And the only way that I am able to do that is because I have been in the Word, confessing the Word, living the Word. Jesus is the Word right? So those who trust Him, know Him. I trust Him and I know that He is there for me, therefore there is NO REASON TO BE ANXIOUS!!!

Hebrews 11:6, " But without faith is it impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him."

Come on now, that's a good word. That's me, I have faith, I believe that He is and I have been diligently seeking Him...sooooooo He is rewarding me and will continue to in whatever way He chooses and I trust His ways. These nasty symptoms that want to lie to me are just that, a lie. I am whole, I am healed and there is nothing that can steal that from me.

One more scripture, that I personalize everyday and will personalize now, that I will leave you with today:

Psalm 91:14-16, " Because I have set my love upon You, therefore You will deliver me; You will set me on high, because I know Your name. I will call upon You, and You will possessing Your healing answer me; You will be with me in trouble; You will deliver me and honer me. With long life You will satisfy me and show me Your salvation."

Yes, yes and yes. Thank You Jesus. Man I LOVE the Word of God.

Signing off from my corner of the couch...much love and grace and strength to all of you! Don't just guard your heart, but keep that mind of yours in line with the Word. It will keep you right where you need to be every time.

Fight and Build

I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. It seems like they are getting few and far between these days as our Summer picks up! It seems like we haven't stopped since the end of April. All things fun and wonderful, but nonetheless, busy and fast pace. I am so grateful this year to be able to keep up physically that I just keep saying yes to every opportunity to LIVE life. I know, not the most balanced approach it seems but God told me a few months ago, " I have never left you or forsaken you so live." Ever since then, I can't help but LIVE by those words. And they have indeed brought me life.

The question is, " Do I feel amazing?" To speak it into existence, YES! I continue to recover physically and continue to grow spiritually to places I have never been. July 1st will be 11 months off of all ms medications. I am running everyday and have just upped my routine to challenge myself even more. God is good. As Audrey Assad says in her song "Carry Me"...

"And I know Your promises are faithful
And God, I've seen Your goodness in my life
And oh, I've found Your mercy is a river
Your love is an ocean wide"


These words are totally true in my life. Now that I have you all caught up, now I can write about what I actually feel the Spirit of God urging me to write to you about today!

Yesterday, our youth pastor, Ryan Austin preached an incredible message. We have been working our way through the book of Nehemiah on Sundays and yesterday Ryan talked about what happens when we are building walls and we start to find success in that how the enemy comes with great opposition. He spoke of how Nehemiah told the people to carry their sword (the Bible in our case) in one hand and their trowel in the other, so they could fight and build, fight and build. (Nehemiah 4)

Just recently has God gotten me to a place where I can do this. Up until recently I have been just been wielding the Word and using it as the sword that it is. I have been fighting for my physical and spiritual health. While this will naturally build you as a person, I wasn't able to intentionally step out and continue to build the Kingdom of God outside of myself.

At the beginning of June is really when God started opening doors for me to not only carry my sword but my trowel too. It's been exciting and amazing. Building people, finishing my recording project, building my marriage and nurturing my boys.

It was a great reminder yesterday to me that it's not enough to just confess the Word every day. It's not enough to just wield the Word if I want to advance God's Kingdom the way that I desire to. I have to carry the trowel to. I am so glad that God has me in this place and it was great confirmation for me yesterday to keep going!

This is the kind of thing that helps us to realize that we have to climb out of survival mode, me mode and open our eyes to the fact that God needs a people who are willing to lay their lives down to fight and build. Yes, we have to lay down our lives, otherwise there is no time left. There's not enough time in the day to be selfish lol! That is if we want to advance and move forward in any way.

So, that's the download for the day from me. My way of building for today. I pray that you all have the courage, strength and grace to fight and build today.

Nothing

John 15:5, " I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do NOTHING."

This is not the first time this theme has run through my mind and spirit but on Sunday morning during worship I couldn't get it out of my head. These days, I realize more and more that my life is not my own, that I am on borrowed time, that apart from Jesus and His miraculous power I am nothing. I can't do anything in my own strength, seriously.

The best part is that I can say with true, pure motivation from the very depths of me that I am 100% okay with this! Nothing means something that is nonexistent. To be honest, what's the point of existing without Him? That's called survival in my dictionary and survival is all about us and it's not a fun place to be or a fruitful place to be. Don't you want to make a difference in the world? Don't you want to have purpose in your life? Don't you want the hell and the struggle that you are walking through to not be in vain? The answer to all of those questions for me is a big YES.

So yes, I am okay with being nothing. I have gotten to the point in my life where even if I have the choice to do something in my own strength, I just don't want to. And I love that I am there. Sure I have an agenda, sure I have things that I would like to do. But everyday I submit to Him, those things fall into place and perfect peace comes with it.

I am watching God answer so many of my questions. I am watching God give me the desires of my heart as I have been delighting in Him (Psalm 37:4). These are things I have been praying about and waiting on Him for. And for a long time, I might add. The more I am nothing, the more He can be something!

The doors that are opening are so big that not even my buff self can open them on my own ;-) I mean really, it gives me full confidence that it is totally Him. And therefore I can trust those doors and walk right on through with confidence and strength knowing that God is with me every step of the way.

I cannot even tell you how excited I am. 10 months off of all ms medications and going strong. People, God is amazing, to say the least. So, my advice, try being nothing for a day and see where it gets you.

Touched

Mark 6:56, " Wherever He entered, into villages, cities, or the country, they laid the sick in the marketplaces, and begged Him that they might just touch the hem of His garment. And as many as TOUCHED Him were made well."


The above scripture has been one that has been sticking out to me over the last week or so. I want to pull out what has been highlighted as I read it. The word Touched means-to come into or be in contact with. 

I think it's amazing that the scripture says, " And as many as TOUCHED Him were made well." So as many people that came into or were in contact with Jesus were healed. The thing to remember is that the word touched is an action word. It's a verb. Those people had to intentionally  come into or be in contact with Jesus in order to receive their healing.

Same for us. Whether it be spiritual or physical sickness, we have to intentionally reach and come into contact with the hem of His garment. That's another thing. Just the hem of His garment could heal people. They didn't have to maul Jesus or hug Him and He didn't even have to lay His hands on them! They just had to intentionally come into contact with Him and just touch His clothes and the smallest part of his clothes at that.

When we are so consumed with what's going on in our lives, it seems like this is such an impossibility. But when we access God's Word and intentionally worship Him it's easy to come in contact with Him.

It's this simple...James 4:8, " Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." You see, He comes our way so it's not so hard to touch Him. He closes the gap when we do our part. BUT WE HAVE TO DO OUR PART. 

So how do we touch Him?

1. Pray and Submit ourselves to Him and the Holy Spirit
2. Worship Him, get in His presence
3. Read the Word

Just speaking from experience, those are the things that I have done to touch Him and He has healed me. Not just on the outside, but from the inside out. Those are by no means the only ways to touch Jesus, just to clarify. But that has been what has worked in my life.

The enemy's scheme is to make you think that you have to move heaven and earth to get close to God.  That is a lie and a deception and I am here to tell you that whether you are bed ridden or the strongest person in the world, all you have to do is intentionally reach out and touch Him and He WILL heal you!

Jesus didn't limit who He healed. " As MANY as touched Him were made well." My invitation to you today is to come and be apart of the MANY who are intentionally touching Jesus. Don't let anything hold you back. You are just inches away from complete freedom.

Stepping on toes can be a good thing!

This morning I broke my running mile record! Lol...don't get to excited...I am still kind of embarrassed by how long it takes me to run over a mile on my elliptical but still, I am doing it now almost everyday without any kind of crazy nerve reactions. Praise God, because it takes me half the time as it does to walk around my neighborhood! I am all about saving time!

Anywho, lately as I have been running, I realized something. Before God healed me of multiple sclerosis, I would get on my elliptical and run as fast as I could away from all of my issues and problems and now I find myself running as fast as I can towards the presence of God so that any issue that comes my way will be thwarted and defeated because of the power of God in my life.

I was praying this morning, like every morning, that the Holy Spirit would allow me to be in perfect step with Him today. Like when I used to stand on my dad's feet and he would walk me around. So fun, but I was perfectly in step with his every movement.

It's going to seem like I am all over the map with this blog but I promise there's a point! Yesterday our pastor's message was titled " Be one. Make one." All about the Great Commission out of Matthew 28. He was making a point about the fact that all of us have issues that we are passionate about. That we would say, " I wish the church would just rise up and do something about this." That kind of passion. Then he began to show us how the greatest strategy to all of these issues getting resolved is doing as Jesus said in Matthew 28:18-20, " All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." In other words, if we follow this then every issue will be resolved. Because if we are intentionally going, making and teaching people to be like Jesus, then, well, duh, of course everything will be resolved from this. He is the Beginning and the End. The answer to all things.

I realized after listening to that message that I am extremely passionate about two issues:

1. Physical Healing in the body of Christ
2. The battle field of the mind coming from a worship standpoint.

To be perfectly honest, I have been a bit burdened thinking about how will God ever use me to resolve these issues. Well, I realized, He already is! I am going, making, baptizing and teaching people through this blog and through one on one encounters on these issues and seeing God do amazing things. I mean all I have to do is look at my own life and see what God has done in these two areas and know that God can do it. But the only reason that God is miraculously working in my life is because I am intentionally submitting myself to Him and His authority and therefore I am running forward, yet keeping in step with what He is doing. His agenda, not mine, even though we all have our own agenda.

If we submit to the Great Commission we will see all the things we are passionate about come under the submission of the Holy Spirit and from there either they will not be issues that concern Him, if you catch my drift, or they will begin to resolve themselves and advance the Kingdom of God.

With this in mind, I no longer feel the burden of the issues I am passionate about. I am just going to keep running after Him and keeping in step with Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30).

No more "leaning" only "acknowledging"

Proverbs 3:5-8, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and LEAN NOT on your own understanding; in all your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. It WILL be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones."

This is one of the scriptures that I confess every morning and over the last few days has really been highlighted as I read it. Over this last year, Chad and I have really had to make the choice to lean not on our own understanding. Nothing about my situation has been understandable!!! There are still so many things we don't understand and may never understand. BUT as we have intentionally acknowledged Him, He is directing us.

We realized a while ago that we can't do anything in our own strength. We also realized a long time ago that we are not as wise as we would like to be! So we have had to be intentional about fearing God and honoring Him so that we can walk in His wisdom. Because of this living and active Word in our lives, my flesh is getting healthier and healthier and I am getting stronger and stronger.

See how that works? Confessing this word day after day has brought revelation and truth and is living and active. In other words, it's working! It's true and it's setting us free!

If you need wisdom, TRUST HIM and don't rely on your own understanding. It's nothing compared to His. The Holy Spirit is fully accessible to you and He will help you if you let Him. If you submit to Him. Let Him direct you. If you are accessing Him and submitted to Him, He will do as He has promised. He will tell you when to move and when not to.

One more thing to point out...this scripture says that, " it WILL be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones." Not maybe, it WILL. Not sometimes, it WILL.

So no more leaning...only acknowledge and see the power of God manifest itself in your life.

9 Months = A Miracle

Ha! Gotcha didn't I??? You thought I was gonna say that I was pregnant, didn't you? Admit it! Well, I'm not. Although...;-) Just kidding, we shall see what God wants for us in that area. Definitely not the right time in our journey! So anyway, the reason for the title of this blog is because today marks 9 months of me being off of all ms medications! And that folks, is a miracle!

Just to fill you in a bit...I have only been getting stronger. Since I started to really confess the Word of God everyday. I am walking/jogging over 3 miles everyday, miracle. Spending most of the day on my feet, between homeschooling and doing what it takes to be a stay at home mom of two VERY active boys, miracle. Singing again at our worship nights and the last 3 I have been on my feet the whole time, miracle. God is so amazing...He gets all the credit.


I confess a lot of Word everyday but I have really been standing on Mark 11:22-23, " So Jesus answered and said to them,' Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ' Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says." The power of confession, right there in plain sight. I know that I focused a lot on this subject in my last blog, but it's everything right now for me.

It's amazing how the Word can completely transform you from the inside out if you are faithful to it and are diligently seeking God through it. I can't even think anything contrary to what the Word says these days because I have made it such a priority in my life. Ask me if I am completely symptom free. Uh, no...I am not. But I can't help but believe that I will be completely free from all of them one day because that's what the Word says I can have. Complete restoration.

I don't know what the future holds, but there again, whatever the Word says, that's what I am clinging to. We still have some mountains that need to be moved like getting off of adrenal meds, benzo drug and blood pressure meds. But hey, if one mountain can be moved, why can't the others?

So be encouraged! Peter said in Acts 3:6, " Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk." In other words, I don't have anything magical to offer other than my testimony and what is making it, the Word, the living and active Word. If you are trying to remove some major mountains, here's the help you've been looking for. And God can and will honor His Word!

The "If" Zone

So I was on my walk this morning and towards the end of it I was praying for our worship night here at the church at which I sing every month. I was praying and this wording came out of my mouth, " God I don't want to live in the "if" zone". Now, I do plan to explain, but if you have ever been through any kind of affliction or adversity in your life, you probably already know what I mean.

What it means to me is, I don't want to live my life based on IF I can do something. It's a powerful thing, God has been speaking to me so much through His Word and the confession of His Word is completely setting me free. But there are scriptures I have known my entire life that I am teaching Parker, our 4 year old, that God is throwing back in my face.

Examples: 

Philippians 4:13, " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Joel 3:10, " Let the weak say, ' I am strong".

I have had to keep catching myself, and I know for a fact that this is the Holy Spirit who has opened my eyes to the subtleties of how I speak things. I have always been so careful with what comes out of my mouth, but it's time to go to a new level. I say, " Well IF I am feeling good, or IF my body will cooperate." Instead of, " I can do ALL things." There's no if's with God I've noticed. The more I confess the Word, it's a matter of fact, not if this and if that.

So my prayer today was that God would help me to get out of that "If" zone. I am already moving forward so much. Walking 3 miles almost everyday, driving now, even though this is the best I have felt in months....these are big steps and all because of the Word. I just want the Word to completely overtake me.

I will step on that stage tonight, I will be strong, I will glorify God, my body will cooperate and I will not question it. I will continue to recover and get stronger and stronger everyday. I will, I will, I will...I am so amazed by Him. Keep it coming Jesus, keep making more like You.

"God, I hate this."

How many times have you said that to God in your seasons of affliction? Okay, maybe I'm the only one. Hate means "to dislike intensely or passionately". In the midst of a conversation yesterday, this thought hit me. Every time we look to God in the midst of our affliction and say, " I hate this God." He says right back to us, " I hate it too."

Let me explain. We only hate what we are going through, most of the time because we are not taking what God has laid in front of us to overcome that hatred. To overcome with grace and strength and conquer that thing we hate so much in our lives. Whether it's relational, sickness, affliction, finances, you name it, this applies.

When I say that, I can hear God saying, " I hate it to. I dislike intensely and passionately what you are walking through. I hate it because I paid the price for you to not have to walk this way. I sent my Son to be a living example of all the promises in front you. I sent Jesus to be the living and active Word. I sent Him to redeem you and give you a way out of your situation. All you have to do is believe it and confess it and let it be alive in you."

Mark 11:22-23, " So Jesus answered and said to them, " Have faith in God. For assuredly, I SAY to you, whoever SAYS to this mountain, ' Be removed and be cast into the sea, ' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he SAYS will be done, he will have whatever he SAYS."

This scripture has been sticking out to me every morning for a week. Do you know that God has given us a way to have grace for our situation and to overcome and not hate what we are walking through? If we take Mark 11 and really believe it and speak it into existence that thing that we hate so much will no longer be there!

We have got to understand that it's not enough to just know God's Word, it's not even enough to just hide in our hearts, we have to SAY it. The enemy is the prince of the air and we have to get the Word out of us so he can hear it and we can defeat him in every area of our lives.

I am seeing and experiencing God's Word in action everyday as I have been confessing it out loud. It's been changing me my whole life to an extent, but now it's manifesting itself. I encourage you to find those scriptures in the Word that apply to you and your situation. Start saying them everyday and see what God does.

Isaiah 55:11, " So shall My Word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, BUT IT SHALL ACCOMPLISH WHAT I PLEASE, AND IT SHALL PROSPER IN THE THING FOR WHICH I SENT IT."

That's all we need to know. No matter what we see, no matter what we feel, or not matter how silly we may think we look or sound, say the Word of God. Wield it, it's meant to be a weapon. God will honor His Word because we acknowledge His name (Psalm 91).

33 Years of Life and Death

So yesterday, as most of you know, I turned 33! Happy Birthday to me :-) I have been dwelling on a thought for a week or so and just didn't want to put it out there until the Holy Spirit released me to do so. So technically speaking, I am now entering my 34th year of life so last year was my 33rd year of life and I couldn't help but think about Jesus. Jesus died at 33. Easter and His sacrifice has had so much more meaning and impact to me this year because of all that I went through last year.

I was thinking, my 33rd year was filled with more life than I have ever experienced but at the same time more dying to myself than ever before. 33, a year of life and death. You all know how strongly I feel about the Word of God and the power that it holds. As I have been confessing more and more Word lately there are some particular scriptures that have really been moving me and giving me a ton of hope.

Jesus said in Isaiah 55:11, " So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but IT SHALL ACCOMPLISH WHAT I PLEASE, AND IT SHALL PROSPER IN THE THING FOR WHICH I SENT IT."

John 1:1, " In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

So back to Jesus, He was the living Word. He was sent to accomplish something. He was sent to deliver us. And according to the Word of God Jesus prospered and accomplished that goal.

Here are just a few promises that have not returned void for me:

Jeremiah 33:6, " Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth."

Psalm 118:17, " I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord."

Psalm 107:19-20, " Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. HE SENT HIS WORD AND HEALED THEM, AND DELIVERED THEM FROM THEIR DESTRUCTIONS."

Isaiah 40:31, " Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary , they shall walk and not faint."

Those are just a few that I have been standing on that I am seeing them manifest themselves in my life. They are not returning void in my world. God's Word is living and active and not returning void!

So yesterday not only did we celebrate my birthday but also we celebrated the fact that I have been off all ms medications for 8 months! Now tell me God's Word doesn't work. It does and it will change us from the inside out if we let it. Keep confessing it, keep it in front of you, never let it depart from your eyes (Proverbs 4:20-22).

Just One Step Away

What if I told  you that you are just one simple step away from receiving healing in every area of your life? Would you take that step? I know that I would. I'm talking physical healing, emotional, spiritual...the list goes on and on. Well it's true, we are all one step away from our complete healing and deliverance from whatever affliction is afflicting us.

You ready? Here's the key...are you sure your ready, because once you know this, you are accountable forever! Okay, so here it is, the step is...CONFESSING THE WORD OF GOD. Yep, that's it. Here's the thing when we CONFESS the Word of God it is a "declaration that we fully agree with it and are submitted to it's authority" (Kynan Bridges "Possessing Your Healing").

Instead of taking a person's word for it, let's go to the Word. In Romans 10:9, " If you declare with your mouth, ' Jesus is Lord' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." The word save means (according to Strong Dictionary) to deliver or protect, it implies deliverance and/or restoration. Isn't that powerful.

I don't mean to be prideful in any way when I say this, but throughout this journey of mine I have been saying, " It can't be that hard to receive God's healing. God wouldn't have made it that hard to receive what He paid the price for already." I have been searching for that simple step that God has been pressing me to find. Through that pressing He has been teaching and refining me. But this is it. Confessing the Word.

Honestly, I had to repent. I have been hiding God's Word in my heart. Even the enemy knows this and he's like, that's good, let her hide it away and I will just do my best to keep her from confessing it. Because here's the deal, and I believe this with all of my heart, "the place from which we believe and submit to the Word of God, and declare that Word out of our mouths, is the place of power and authority"(Kynan Bridges). The Word of God says this.

The thing I have struggled with the most is that healing is not a feeling. But it will be. The more I align myself with what the Word says and actually confess it with full authority, my body has no choice other than to align itself with what I am saying.

Proverbs 18:21, " The tongue has the power of life and death, those who love it will eat it's fruit." So are we going to confess our affliction (death) or the Word of God (life)? What have we got to lose?

We are in a series at our church called " Be Opened". And I just thought, we need to not only open our eyes and ears, but we need to open our mouths. As I am challenging myself, I also am challenging all of you to CONFESS the Word of God. Say it and just keep saying it. I am confessing almost 60 scriptures a day. Yes, saying them out loud. Do you know, it only takes me 10 minutes. 10 minutes to bring life into my situation. That is nothing compared to the price that Jesus paid.

Take the step and let me hear how God transforms you!

How does He do it?

I found myself sitting in the waiting room of my neurologist office this past Friday. It's been awhile since I've had to visit there but there was some concern of infection that was confirmed, but no new ms stuff...still healed, like I ever doubted it! Anyway, as I was sitting in the waiting room, I found myself having to fight back the tears for those I was surrounded by. That whole room was filled with some very sick people. Tormented, no doubt, in their bodies, in their minds and in their spirits even if they do or don't know God. I have NEVER felt this kind of burden like that the whole time I have been dealing with sickness and disease. I know for a fact that it was the burden of the Lord for those people welling up inside of me.

Isaiah 61:1-3, " The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair..."

I didn't know any of those people, yet I was so burdened for them. There are also people that I know by name and I have been so burdened for them and praying for them to be delivered as well. I had this thought this morning and I asked God, " How did You do it and how do You do it now?". In other words, how does He do this, how does He see all those sick and dying and desperately in need of His touch and not totally break down and feel the weight of that? Well the obvious reason is because He is God, but when He suffered for us, He was reaching out to us in that suffering saying, " I am suffering, so you don't have to. My grace and divine healing power is there to set you free. My Word is living and active in you. I left the Holy Spirit to be your Helper, to empower you and anoint you to be free! And not only that but set other people free by walking in that authority!!!".

Come on somebody!!! I think that God grieves more over the fact that we don't walk out what He actually suffered for. Don't you? I mean, if it were me, I'd be like, " I died for you people, I changed the world and you aren't taking advantage of that??? I went through all of that for nothing???" Probably good that I'm not God LOL!

See if we are bold enough to walk out God's promises then Matthew 11:30 is true for us, " For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." You know why? Because instead of sitting there holding back the tears in that waiting room, I could have gotten up and started praying for those people. I know, it sounds charismatic and off the wall, but Jesus did it. He didn't wait, He just prayed and did as God said in that moment. He was led by the Spirit of God every moment of His life.

I don't think I can ever achieve that level of perfection , but man, I want to come pretty close. I DESPERATELY WANT TO SEE PEOPLE FREE! Just free, no matter what that means in their life.