The Good News sometimes feels like Bad News

Have  you ever opened the Word and started reading and thought, " Man, I get it and I see what God is trying to say and it's really good, but why doesn't it feel good?". Um, I have many times. We just got back from an incredibly restful week at my in-laws lake house. Most of you saw my two previous posts and know that I have been walking through a few things physically and had to make the choice to go on this vacation trusting God with all of it.

All week long there was a very familiar phrase that kept popping up in my spirit, " Consider it all joy..." This morning, as I was exercising and praying and worshiping, getting myself submitted to the Holy Spirit, that same phrase kept rising up in my spirit, " Consider it all joy...". I knew all last week what God was saying to me, but this morning, I dove right into James 1 and started reading.

James 1:2-8, " Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

God reminded that when I was a teenager, and my mom can testify to this, that I plastered this verse on our refrigerator one day and it stayed there for many years. God has a way of bringing things back around. I wasn't going through the same things then as I am now obviously, but it's the same principle. I've read this passage many times over the years. 

What I'm trying to say is that God is requiring me to look at my circumstance and then at a much higher level, consider it ALL joy. I really thought I was doing this. Here again, another humbling encounter with God. He showed me that I am a good over comer and even good at persevering so that was encouraging. BUT, has my mind, my words and my actions shown that I am doing it with joy. ABSOLUTELY NOT! I really believe this is why I have been feeling so stuck where I am. Feeling like I can't hear the Holy Spirit clearly. Feeling like I'm not moving forward physically and spiritually. I know I am, but, it's that feeling that I'm hitting a wall. It's because of this, doing things out of my own strength and not seeking the wisdom of God and counting it all joy. 

You see, there is a difference between just overcoming and living in victory. We can't always overcome our issues completely, in other words, sometimes our issues just won't go away. And let me ask this very difficult question, what if they never do? Of course I believe and have hope that all my issues will be resolved while I still live on this earth. But I'm not the one who decides that. So what do I do in the meantime, what's my best chance of those issues being resolved here on earth? Well James 1 tells me my best chance is to consider it all joy and allow perseverance to finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

To live victoriously, we have to decide to consider it all joy. I don't want to lack anything. I really want and need everything that God wants me to have. In order to not live sick, think sick, plan sick, be sick, I have to consider it ALL joy.  

You Know That Moment When...

Your doctors can do nothing for you and you just have to continue to COMPLETELY trust God? Yep, that just happened. I had to write today to let all of you know as an update to my previous post that I spoke with my doctors and they, by law, were not able to prescribe anything for me without me being seen since it has been so long! HA! Coincidence? I think not! So if we want anything before we leave for vacation, I would have to go to an emergency room and that peace that passes all understanding is not there for that.

Before we called my doctor, Chad and I prayed for God's divine wisdom. We knew that there would be no harm in a phone call. We also knew that God would give us whatever answers He wanted to give us because we are totally submitted to Him.

In all honesty, when they told me there was nothing they could do for me at this time, I had a one minute moment of anxiety/frustration, then God brought me back to my favorite scripture right now:

Proverbs 3:5-8, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and will direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes, but fear the Lord and depart from evil. It is health to your flesh and strength to your bones."

I could write this in all caps and bold every single word as it all applies to me every day!!! When this word arose in my spirit, I immediately stopped my mind from being anxious and just started thanking God for being faithful to His Word. Side note: It pays to hide the Word of God in your heart. You never know when you are going to need it;)

What's awesome is yesterday afternoon, my symptoms started to get better. WHAT?! Are they gone? No. But I believe in trusting in God and leaning on Him and His understanding and taking up that authority, He directed us to the right path, therefore bringing restoration to me. What we thought was wisdom, was not His wisdom and we asked Him to reveal that to us and He did. Can I just tell you, this has never happened to me when I have called my doctor. There was 3 days of confusion, this.never.happens. God shut that door. Now, I stand in a place of complete trust in Him once again with no other option. Easy, no. Peace that passes all understanding, yes.

I am continually amazed by Him and I have no doubts that my body is going to line up as I go. I am praising God for bringing wisdom to Chad and I. It's something that has been burning in our hearts to ask God for in every area of our lives recently. I feel break through coming and I am excited that God is real and He is for us and not against us(Romans 8:31)!

I pray that all of you will lean on Him and trust Him no matter what's happening. Thank you for praying for us. Please continue, don't back down, we need all of you!

Happy 2 Year Anniversary

Wow! How time flies when you finish homeschooling a 5 year old and Summer time hits! I cannot believe that it's been since April that I last wrote to all of you. We have definitely had one wild and crazy summer! Traveling, some time home, then traveling some more, then some more time home and then traveling again next week! I even had the incredible opportunity to fly out to California, on my own, to visit my best friend. It was a huge mountain physically and spiritually that God allowed me to move!

To get to the real point of this blog, it's the 2 year anniversary of me being off of ms medications! Praise God! I will forever mark this day as the day God healed me of ms. I have to write to give all the glory to God and remind all of you, if you need reminding, that He is a faithful Healer.
He is also faithful to make us more like Him every day if we are faithful to die to ourselves and allow this process to happen. And that, my friends, is something I praise Him for everyday, but also the hardest part of this process by far.

You see, even though I don't doubt that God has healed me from ms, for the last two years, I have still and am still fighting off symptoms that try to tell me otherwise. I have to be real with you, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't shed tears whether they be joyful or out of frustration. I wonder sometimes if the tears of frustration will ever leave me.

Then I realize, that with every tear of frustration, God replaces it with a promise from His Word that in turn produces perseverance, endurance, death to myself and more glory for Him because I am submitting and becoming more like Him.

Even now as I type, I am waiting on my neurologist, whom I haven't had to call in 2 years, to prescribe a round of steroids for me because of a neurological issue that I have been fighting for over a month now. You might be thinking, " Well you said you were healed." Well, I am! I still believe that ms is not in operation, but ms left some damage that only God can reverse and that damage has been hanging over me. I wish I could say it was all gone. And I only tell you it's not so that if you are walking through something and God hasn't taken all the pain and suffering away, you can still hang onto whatever He has promised you and have the knowledge and faith that He has healed you from WHATEVER you may be walking through. It doesn't have to be physical. It can be spiritual, emotional or physical.

The only thing that keeps me afloat everyday, when I say everyday, I mean everyday, is the Word of God.

Isaiah 40:31, " But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles,they shall run and not be weary,they shall walk and not faint." 

Things I am really thankful for as I am continuing to walk this road is that I no longer doubt God's promises. I trust Him and His Word with all of my heart no matter what my body feels. Also conquering, for the most part, fear and anxiety when something does arise. I can honestly tell you that being anxious is just a major waste of energy and time! If God is God, well...you see.

I am in the process of learning what authority God has given to me here on this earth. I am also still and will always be in the process of dying to myself. "Take up your cross daily and follow Me." (Luke 9:23)

So, HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I celebrate Him and all He is doing. I celebrate who He is making me to be. I celebrate my sweet Jesus Christ, who sacrificed Himself to save me and that deserves all my focus, my attention and my life!

Here's to another year of complete restoration and freedom!