Torment

In every action packed movie where the plot is good versus evil there is usually some form of torment, right? What I've noticed is usually it's always the good guy that gets tormented, what's the deal with that? The "mean guys", as my 3 year old Parker would put it, usually have a plethora of devices to torture the "good guys" with and they make it seem like the torment goes on for ever and ever until finally some miraculous thing happens and the "good guys" get rescued. If you've ever seen this type of movie, you would see that in the midst of this torment, the "good guys", never give in to the torture. They some how gain super human strength and can withstand any kind of pain once challenged with the very thing that drives their life. 

Second Corinthians 10:4+5, " For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." That super human strength that those "good guys" gain in the midst of torture is brought on by what they believe in, whatever their cause. Same for us, our cause is Jesus and His Word is what we believe in and that always wins out. That's how we "good guys" get rescued. This scripture points out that we have to use the Word of God as our weapon to wield against the spirit of torment and any other spirit that plagues our minds, our emotions, our bodies...you name it.

So in my battle with fear and doubt, add torment to the list too, I am continuing to hide God's Word in my heart so that I can whip it out like a sword to fight at any moment. That miracle that I need physically and my cry to be rescued has not gone unheard. God's Word and His power are inside of me, giving me that super human strength to overcome the spirit of fear,doubt and torment. The "mean guys" might have their weapons...but they need to know that I have mine too!

You are in the palm of His Hand!

One of my favorite places to be is to be as far away as possible. This is usually accomplished by going to the woods and as far away from people and distractions as possible. Now before any offense is taken, here is why.

I can't really function until I have had a shower in the morning. Coffee may be this for you. In fact that is probably most of you. After a shower I feel I am more presentable and not in the way you might think. You see after a night's sleep my hair is a mess, my joints crack and creak, I hit the same wall every morning on the way to the bathroom and I mumble instead of talk. I am not at my most relatable. I need my shower!

While the shower is a daily wake up the woods is a life wake up for me. It forces me to separate from everything I could possibly busy myself with and sets the stage for things to be revealed and worked on. As I sit there I marvel at the peace God has created and wonder why my mind is going 150 mph in the midst of it.

I was reading a devotion the other day and the writer used an example of when he sits in the woods it is really the only time he is able to free his mind from any additional input which was overflowing to begin with. He takes that time to allow God to work through issues and thoughts that may have been hidden or masked by people, business and a constant influx of input. He writes any revelations on the palm of his hand due to a lack of paper since he is in the woods. He does this so he won't forget.

This reminded me of a scripture in Isaiah...

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..."

Where is the one place you can think of writing something so important to you that you must not forget it. Your hands! Unlike paper, your phone or your computer, chances are that you aren't going to misplace your hands. You are so important to God that He has not just written you on the palms of His hands He has engraved you! When masons are working stone they don't take a sharpie and write on it they engrave words on the stone so it is permanent.

I will finish this up with the final sentence from the above passage. When taken in context with the above passage it really is my favorite part...

"...your walls are continually before me."

This tells me that He is in front of me not behind me! He knows the walls I face and nothing is too big for my God! If He can bring the walls of Jericho down what then are my walls!

The Alligator Poker

We went on a family adventure yesterday, in light of the holiday, to the The Alligator Farm in St. Augustine. Chad and I had never been and we knew that the boys would love it. It took us forever to get out of the house that morning and I am pretty sure why. I know that God orders our steps. We arrived just a few minutes before the the 12 o'clock feeding for the big gators right in the middle of this whole reptile invested place (chill up my spine:-) Anyway, how it all begun was this young lady, one of the trainers, steps into the "pit" with about 30 to 40 of these enormous creatures. Talk about courage. When she enters she is carrying two things: 1. A bin filled with some delicious dead rats and 2. A stick, about as long as a sword. She starts to talk facts and tell us what she is about to do, all the while keeping watch on all sides just in case one of the gators decides to get a little to friendly, if you know what I'm saying. As suspected, a few of them would start making their way closer and closer until she took this stick, weapon for all intensive purposes, and put it right on their nose and would say, " That's close enough, why don't you just stay right there." Then she would continue talking as she made sure she had plenty of room to maneuver throughout their lair.

I woke up with this picture of events in my head this morning, as it totally relates to what God is walking me through right now. Let's pretend right now that I'm the trainer, with my weapon in hand, the "pit" represents my issues of fear and doubt and the gators, well they are indeed my enemy. I can see myself in the spirit in this pit of fear and doubt, surrounded on all sides by my enemy and me standing there with my sword, the Word of God, my only weapon. I visualize myself taking that sword and placing it on the enemies nose and saying, " That's close enough, why don't you just stay right there".  John 10:10, " The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy..." Those gators/enemies are not approaching to give us a big hug and a kiss! They are approaching  to steal, to kill and to destroy because that's all they know to do. The second half of that verse goes on to say, " I (Jesus) have come that you may have life, and that you may have it more abundantly."

One more scripture and I promise I will get to the point of all of the rambling! Ephesians 6:14-17, " Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; ABOVE ALL, taking the shield of FAITH with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, WHICH IS THE WORD OF GOD." 

So my point, as promised, that trainer stayed safe because she knew how to use that sword and just what to say to her creepy little friends. I am learning everyday how to wield my weapon, my sword, the Word of God. If my enemy gets to close, I will put that sword into action and tell him, " That's close enough, you stay right there. " In other words, don't come any closer because I will not allow you to steal, kill or destroy me. I am hiding God's Word in my heart so that I will always have the equipment that I need to fight off the enemies of fear and doubt. The journey continues...

FAITH...I gotta live by it

Faith described in the amplified version of the bible is perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses. Let me say it again, for me, faith is perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses. Okay, so, I perceive as real fact that I am healed in my body...that for sure has not been revealed to my senses...yet. My body does not FEEL healed...but faith says that I am.

I am re-prioritizing today in an intentional way. Matthew 6:24, " No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and the system of this world." Over the last 6 years, I have struggled with this. I have faith in God, but I also trust my doctors and the medications that they are prescribing. I trust God to an extent and then I trust man to an extent. I don't just have faith in one or the other. I trust both...hmmm...here's the issue with that..."No man can serve two masters." I honestly don't know, at this point, what that requires of me yet. I am gonna really be praying about this. I do know this, that today, I am experiencing some physical symptoms and I am determined to seek first the Kingdom of God and not my doctors. I am going to continue to build my confidence, patience and faith in God's Word to do what it says it will. I am going to "stay the same".

Again, " Fear comes in to  tell us what could happen, but we have to be confident that the only thing that can happen is what we are standing on." Well what am I standing on? God's Word or what the world says? Today, God's Word...one day at a time, until it's not so scary to trust and believe in the intangible. Help me Jesus!

I can tell you this, that learning that I am just dumber than I thought and that I just need to learn and grow more has made me feel like such a baby Christian. Which, in turn, is making me really hungry for God's Word and His truth in a new and fresh way. I believe that hunger is here to stay now. I know that I am breaking through barriers that have been holding me up for some time now.

One more thing that dawned on me...God even now is proving His amazing love to me by being so loving and merciful that He is leading me into all truth. There would be no way that I would be learning what I am learning if it was not for God's hand and divine intervention in my life. Humbling and comforting.

Until next time...baby steps...I trust you Jesus. 

Why Wait?

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

I have heard this verse all my life and more than I would like to admit have been subjected to its teaching growing up. I have always associated this verse with the parent/child relationship and rightfully so. But I had a quick but meaningful encounter with Parker my 3 year old this morning that got me thinking...

Parker asked if he could brush my hair. Since this always feels like a minor massage I said absolutely! Little did I know I was being ministered to. The first words out of Parker's mouth were "Daddy, your hair is crazy. Let me fix it." I just got done doing my hair! I didn't think my hair was crazy!

This innocent but honest exhortation from my son was just play but poked my spirit-man a little. In Luke 18:6 it says "But Jesus called the children to him and said "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these"." Children can easily cut to the chase without any issue. If there is a problem, they don't agree with something or they see something out of place (like my hair) they seem to address it right then. I am sure the children were a welcomed site for Jesus after dealing with grown ups.

Man can I learn from that! As God goes about training me up as His child, when He points something out just go ahead and change it! No Excuses! Why wait!

Let Patience Do Her Job

Okay, here it is, you want to know how to get the victory? To carry away your full manifestation? Are you ready for this because it's heavy...the answer is...hope you are sitting down...LET PATIENCE DO HER JOB!

So the next question is, what is her job exactly? Her job, according to James 1 (and I paraphrase), is to teach us how to stay the same. If we can grab hold of this truth, then we will have all the confidence, steadfastness and endurance that we need on a daily basis to live this life. I believe this is the key to living a fearless life. You can't have fear and faith...it's one or the other. The fight is that the enemy is trying to move us, trying to get us to doubt and question what God's promise is for our lives. If we have patience (endurance, able to stay the same), then we have confidence in the promises that God has laid out for us.

Isaiah 53:5, " He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed." I am healed because God's Word says I am. Not because of what I see or feel, but because of what I know. I am not moving from the promise no matter what, I stay the same...that is patience at work.

I am digging deeper and deeper to find these truths that are setting me free day by day. I found myself repenting for my lack of confidence. I know that it used to be there, but over time I have lost it and I am working hard to get it back. Time to rebuild and take charge in the spirit. Creflo Dollar said this, "  Fear comes into our situation just to tell us what could happen, but what we have to remember is the only thing that can happen is what we are standing on." What a word...I feel like I can breath when I see those words. God can and will take care of us, we just have to have faith, which equals confidence, which equals patience. I get it...I get it...I get it...don't let me forget this truth Lord!

That's my heavy revy for today...stay the same...what?, my body is numb...stay the same...I can't breath...stay the same...my legs won't move...stay the same...no matter what the situation STAY THE SAME and we will walk away with a full manifestation of God's promise in our lives.

" I have done everything that I KNOW to do"

I can't tell you how many times I have said this, " I have done everything that I know to do", in regards to this struggle in my life. I have done everything spiritually, everything physically, that I know to do. So here's the question, "Why am I not healed?"

Creflo Dollar said," If you've done everything you know to do, then maybe you don't know enough!". What an amazing revelation to me! When I heard those words, my spirit man jumped with hope because that means that all hope is not lost...I'm just dumber than I thought!!! In my attempt to lose fear in my life, I am working fervently to replace it with faith. Listening to different teachings, spending way more time in the Word than I ever have and various other things. I know that God is not a respecter of persons, but I do believe He is a respecter of faith. So I know that faith comes by hearing, so I am doing a lot of listening these days to build my faith so that it can overcome my fear.

So what is faith? Definition by Creflo Dollar, " Faith is the confirmation or assurance or the title deed to what we hope for. It's also a practical expression of my confidence in God and in His Word." So we can't have confidence or faith in God and not in His Word because they are one in the same. To have faith means to be confident despite what we feel or see. If I am healed, then I am healed no matter what the doctor has said, what the physical manifestation is or anything else for that matter. I just have to know because God's Word says so. That is true confidence. If we throw away our confidence then we throw away our manifestation. I never saw this before, in this way, and it's setting me free. Whew, this is scary stuff for me, because now I am accountable to this truth, you know what I'm saying?

The Word says in order to have confidence, we have to have patient at work in our lives. I don't know about you, but patience is not one of my stronger qualities. I have realized now that's why I haven't gotten the complete victory in my life. First I have to develop patience, with that comes confidence and then the faith that I need to really walk in God's ultimate reality for my life which is healing! Key word, developed. It's a process and I have to intentionally build those things in my life or it won't happen. Man, I feel like such a spiritually baby when I learn these truths. There's just so much to learn.

I may have a few stretch marks coming out of this one (sorry for the visual :-)...I am going to keep hammering away at this truth until it completely sets me free...

Time is ticking away...Really?

When I was in Jr. High school my dog actually ate my homework. Seriously, not kidding! I had to take a note with me to school signed by my parents who witnessed the act because we knew that "the excuse" would not be believed.

As Mandy mentioned in an earlier post our church is currently in a series called "Lose It" We are covering various areas of our lives that have "baggage" that just needs to go and take a hike. This past Sunday's message was on losing excuses. This got me thinking of the hundreds if not thousands of times I relied on an excuse. As I looked back I began to see that the frequency at which I used excuses increased as I got older. I thought maturity came with age!

I know I can't tackle every area of my life all at once but God has really placed something on my heart that he wants me to hit; "Personal Sacrifice".

Over the years Mandy and I have always tried to strike balance in our lives between family and everything else. This balance is even one of our family's "Guiding Principles". What this balance is has always been left open for God to mold and change. I look at my boys, Parker and Sam, and want them to always know that they are priorities in our lives. But more importantly I want them to see a man, a father and a husband that loves God. How does "personal sacrifice" come into play here you ask?

I need to open up more areas of my life for God to use. This includes that guarded and protected time. I truly believe that God will bless our home with more time than we would know what to do with if I trust God with our time.

Struck down but certainly not destroyed

I watch Parker, 3, and Sam, almost 2, run around like crazy little monkeys everyday. They have more energy than I have ever had and I am convinced that they have an endless supply. In the midst of their "monkeying around" I can almost guarantee that somebody is gonna get hurt, somebody is gonna trip over a toy, run into a wall, fall off the couch...you get my point. Sometimes, I hear a big cry, which means, "ouch that really hurts" but more often than not I hear a little whine, see them jump up, rub whatever area on their bodies has turned against them in that moment and start playing again like nothing ever happened. My boys have learned the art of being "struck down, but not destroyed" without even knowing it.

 2 Corinthians 4:8+9, " We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed." Wow! I have certainly felt hard pressed, perplexed, abandoned and destroyed multiple times, but the truth is I am none of those things. I have said this scripture many times over my battle with this sickness. If we can get a hold of this truth, it will most certainly set us free in all areas of our lives.

Things feel a little hard pressed on every side, but I remember that I am not crushed by the pressure. Perplexed...uh, definitely, all these questions floating around in this brain of mine could lead to despair, but no. Persecuted, who hasn't been? But I hear God say, " I will never leave you or forsake you". Struck down, well I feel this a lot more lately than I'd like to admit, but then I remember...not destroyed! Because of my relationship with a merciful, amazing and loving God, I am free from being crushed, despair has no place, I am never alone in this life and no destruction is allowed to overcome me! 

To tie into my last post, regarding losing fear and doubt in my life, this is one of those truths that is certainly helping me to move forward. If God be for us, who can be against us? Nothing, nobody! I am more than an overcomer and I am going to continue to allow God's word to set me free!

LOSE IT!...Your fear and doubt

Our church is doing a series called "Lose it"...pounds, attitudes, excuses, etc. etc. So I have been praying asking God to show me what is it, besides constantly maintaining weight and good diet, that He wants me to lose in my life so that I can continue to gain His very best. I hear a still, small voice say three words to me, " fear and doubt".

Okay, Lord...I hear you. I have always struggled with fear, since I was a little girl and have really been good at kicking fear in the face as of late. But only recently have I discovered that doubt is an issue for me. Yet another wonderful attribute of being human :-) Everyday, like taking my medicine, I have about 40 scriptures that I read in regards to healing. I have memorized 16 of them so far and plan to tuck the rest of them away in my heart too. So many of these particular scriptures talk about believing and not doubting. For example, Mark 11:22,23, " Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ' Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not DOUBT in his heart, but BELIEVES that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says." This is just one example of so many. Chad and I have been talking to mountains for a long time and for some reason they continue to feel like mountains...big and heavy. It would be so great to be able to just speak to a mountain and it move as opposed to using every muscle in our bodies, just trying to even budge it an inch...I mean I am pretty buff, but come on! God's Word is all the muscle we need, all we have to do is not doubt and believe.

I believe that God is for me, I believe that God wants to heal me, in my mind that is...but in my heart, well I am questioning that as of late. If I really didn't have any doubt in my heart then I believe that fear would have no place. That's why fear and doubt go hand in hand to me. Certainly my heart would have the power to override my mind...right? This soul and spirit stuff is tricky business.

After spending 5 hours in the ER yesterday experiencing multiple new things in my physical body, crying in discouragment and anger against myself for feeling defeated and just pretty much at that place, where I don't come to that often, of just wanting to give up...I realized that fear and doubt are the trees that produce that fruit in my life. I repent Lord! Totally not the fruit that I want to be producing.

When I got out of bed this morning, like pretty much every morning, the words out of my mouth were, " Holy Spirit, I submit myself to You today", but then I added something new..., " I will not doubt You, I will believe." I just kept saying it out loud over and over again. Maybe I should write a rap song and then it will stick! Here's what I know, that if we can overcome in our minds, 2 Timothy 1:7, " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.", then it will produce faith and belief and not fear and doubt in our hearts. The only way to do this is to renew our minds, constantly, because we forget oh so quickly.

So, now you know what I need to lose...what is God saying to you?

Just us

Welcome to our new blog page! Thanks for joining us on our journey, it is sure to be filled with excitement and adventure and maybe even a little insight and inspiration! Chad and I have really been seeking God regarding so many things and one of those being how we can allow God to use everything that He has been imparting to us over the last few years. If you don't know our story, I should give you a brief synopsis. 

Chad and I met in 1996, started dating in 1998 and were married in 2002. Since then we have ministered together on staff in multiple ministries. In 2005 I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, an auto-immune disease that  affects the nervous system. From the day I was diagnosed I was considered to be a walking miracle, literally. Since then we have walked through many trying situations and have grown to a place where we believe God really wants to use what He has been revealing to us over time. In the midst of these trials God has gifted us with two amazing boys! Parker is 3 1/2 and Sam is almost 2. They are, well, amazing and bring so much joy and hope to us. Chad and I have led worship and been in the ministry pretty much our whole lives. Chad is now the Technical Arts Director at Southpoint Community Church full-time and I am a stay at home mom who gets to be apart of an incredible worship ministry! This all has brought us where we are today, a really wonderful, exciting, sometimes a little shaky, blessed, sometimes a little crazy and amazing place!

So, we have decided to start this blog as a venue to share what we are walking through and the revelations that God is giving us on our journey. We just want to be good stewards and we hope that what God is saying to us will be a blessing and encourage you to keep pressing forward!

More to come...