New Year's Day Cliche

Blogging today does feel like a total cliche. Everyone is talking about new beginnings, new thoughts...well...just new everything. It's funny, I woke up this morning overwhelmed and completely finding my mind overtaken by the enemy with all the unanswered questions, with everything that I can't escape physically. It's just like the enemy to try and come and steal the last day of this year from me.

My amazing husband prayed me through it and then I had a little come to Jesus meeting while getting ready for the day. And the rest of this day has been amazing! We have family here and more fun to come this week along with some hard life things as well. We've gained so much this year, but loss will not go away.

I would like to say that I have some amazing revelation going into the new year, but I don't. I have the same revelation that I've had all year. God's Word has to stay living and active in my life and I have to be in constant submission to the Holy Spirit as my amazing Helper. 

For those of you who want an update on my mri that I had last week, it did show a small lesion on my brain but the doctors said that what I am experiencing physically should not be coming from that. So because we didn't get the scan from the bottom half of my neck down my spine we don't know if it was coming from that. Long story short, we decided to do another 3 day course of steroids but this time it has been better because of the adrenal medication. I have still had a week of craziness coming off of them, but am gaining strength each day.

I have a list of things that I am determined to check off at the beginning of this year, but if I had to have a resolution, it would be this: To take one day at a time, led by the Holy Spirit into all truth concerning this body of mine. We need answers. We need breakthrough and no more masking and covering up. What that means, we don't know. But we don't have to, because He does!

January 5th will mark a year of this intense battle and I have a lot of hope that God is going to begin to move us forward in ways that we can't imagine.

Luke 12:34, " For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  And to add to that... Proverbs 4:23, " Guard your heart ABOVE ALL ELSE, for it determines the course of your life."

ABOVE ALL ELSE...guard your heart, your treasure, that's what determines our footsteps. Figure out what your treasure is. For me, above all else, it's the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. I want to guard it, because it's a treasure, the most valuable thing in my life. I'm pretty sure the journey ahead is determined and it is so good.

Happy New Year everyone, love you all very much!

Hospital Cheer or Holiday Cheer?

I think the answer is both. Even though it's been quite a busy month, Chad and I are still having a great time enjoying the holidays despite what our journey has been with me physically. Today I get to bring some cheer to Mayo Clinic! I get to spend about 3 hours or so soaking in the scenery. Gonna get some blood work done, drop off some Christmas cards and end the day with a relaxing mri of my brain :-) Yep that's right. We prayed and decided that after 5 months of being off the ms meds it is time to take a look at what is going on inside this body of mine. We are not making any decisions as far as going back on meds. Just taking a look and continuing to do what we have been doing this whole time. Praying and waiting on God's wisdom and next steps for us in this journey.

Last week was really hard for me emotionally and physically and this week a little better. Some days barely able to walk or use my arms and then some days that are what my average is these days. Just surviving and trying to have a little normalcy along with it. I will admit...I have been caving and internalizing my struggle over the last couple of weeks. Honestly, I just didn't have the energy to do anything else but that. But then, finally over this last weekend and the beginning of this week, God started to speak and I decided to listen and allow myself to let go of some more of the struggle.

It really all came to a head for me this past Sunday. The word that our pastor brought forth was, of course, perfect timing for me. He was talking out of Luke 1:5-24 about Zechariah and his wife Elizabeth. The story goes Zechariah was appointed to do great things and meanwhile he and his wife couldn't bear a son. So the short version, an angel visited Zechariah and said that his wife would bear a son etc. etc. Well Zechariah questioned the angel and God, pretty much doubted what he was saying. He wanted to be sure, the scripture says, of what he was he was hearing.

Well the angel that visited Zechariah in the temple said, " I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time." (vs. 19 + 20) 

So, to get to the point, my pastor brought this out..., " Unbelief will make you lose your voice." WOW. Yes, doubt, unbelief, not having faith in what God has promised, however you want to say it, it will make you lose your voice or what stuck out to me, your influence. Now that is not something that I am willing to give up or lose! I have struggled this year with my unbelief and it's worse at certain times and it was these last couple of weeks for me. I overcame, so I am happy about that, but it was a fight and an exhausting one at that. I'm sure it won't be the last. 

Last thing. I ran into a friend in the rotunda of our church who has been going through a journey of their own and this person had a word from God for me to. This individual said that God gave them a vision of being in a pool. You know, when you jump into really deep water and you are sinking and sinking and sinking and you feel like you are never gonna find the bottom? But then, your feet hit the bottom and what do you do? Yeah, you bet, you push as hard as you can off the bottom of that pool so that you can get to the top as fast as possible! 

What a great picture. I feel like I have been drowning and sinking for about 8 years and getting deeper and deeper just this last year. This word encouraged me to remember that there is a bottom to this pool and when I reach it then God will give me the strength to get right back to the top again. 

So I came away from the weekend and the first part of this week built back up spiritually and emotionally, praise God. It's exhausting being me sometimes! 

I am so grateful for what I have and for my family and all that we get to enjoy this holiday season. We are praying God's word and will over my mri today. Whatever the results may be He is still Lord of our situation and our lives and we couldn't be more honored and excited about that. 

If this is my last post before Christmas, I want to say, Merry Christmas to all of you and thank you for continuing to pray and stand with us. It's the best present we could receive going into this new year. Love you all!  

Holiday Hangover

It's not even Christmas yet and I feel like I have a massive hangover from all the activity! We had 3 amazing parties this weekend! And more to come these next couple of weeks. I am so thankful that I get to be apart. I spent most of the week watching cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies. You know the ones, all the same story, pretty much and I sobbed through all of them lol...so hilarious. It was all I could do though. Up until Thursday, I didn't even think this weekend would be possible physically, much less this month. Adrenal issues, once again, back on adrenal meds but within 24 hours I was off the couch. Although I can't guarantee that there will not be more Hallmark movies in my future :-D

Last week, Chad and I were talking through some decisions, as much as I would like to ignore all of this during the Christmas season, it just won't go away. Anyway, we made a decision to get some mri's scheduled to see where we are after being off of ms meds for over 4 months now! We just want to see where the symptoms are coming from and we feel a great peace that God is moving us to see this. Whatever it looks like we will go from there. I was also feeling the Holy Spirit talk to me about getting back on the adrenal meds. I could feel my body crashing so fast until this week when it got bad again.

Now in the midst of all of this calling doctors, I told Chad, I feel like I was cheating on God calling my doctors. That some how my faith was not intact still. That I was doubting that He still has healed me and still has us on this incredible journey and is still working it out for our good.

Then I was reminded of all the ways in the Bible where Jesus used other methods to heal people. Herbs, mud on the eyes, jumping into a dirty washing pool...there were some that He did not directly touch. You get what I'm saying.

I felt really selfish on the phone with my nurses last week. I was just telling them that I really want to enjoy my husband and my boys for the holidays and not be plastered to the bed. They of course totally agreed and I know the Holy Spirit agrees with that too.

He is so loving and wants us to have that "mud" that we may need at times to help with our process. So we are at peace with our current status. We still need everyone praying because after we get through this month of trying to ignore real life ;-) we are going to have to start making some decisions that we have really been praying through.

I am so excited to see what God is doing...it's so hard to believe that this journey we have been on is coming up on a year now. So bittersweet. You've heard me say this before, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

My "hangover" is slowly diminishing and because God is so present in my life, I'm thankful I get to enjoy this time of year despite what I am trying my best to ignore. God is still totally in control!

Let the Christmas music play and may the Hallmark channel be forever in our lives!!!

The KISS Method

You all know the KISS method right? "Keep It Simple Stupid"...except for in our house it's "Keep It Simple Silly" because the word stupid is a forbidden word!

Been getting my Word time in this morning and a particular clump of verses just really stuck out to me and I heard the Lord say, " This is easy, I made it simple for you to receive your miracle". Today marks the 4th month of Chad and I completely standing and believing on God's Word that He has healed me of ms. No meds for 4 months...amazing. Wish I felt amazing, that's coming to.

Proverbs 3:5-8, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Okay, so let's break this down...let's use the KISS method!

Steps to receiving health in my body and nourishment to my bones:

1. Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART. 
* I know this sounds funny but this is the hardest step, if you can conquer this then the rest should be easy.
2. Lean not on your own understanding. 
* This didn't use to be easy for me, but as we have gotten further in this journey and my pride has been knocked around, I have absolutely no problem completely trusting God's understanding over my own, Lol. I have learned how much I really don't know and it's to much work trying to be God.
3. In all your ways acknowledge Him. 
*I can give Him all the glory for everything in my life, that's easy, I am nothing without Him.
4 .Do not be wise in your own eyes.
*Again, this didn't use to be easy, but I know  whose wiser than me these days ;-)
5. Fear the Lord and shun evil. 
*Okay...so honor the Lord, respect His ways and not the ways of the world...got it.


So there you go! Five easy steps to have health in our bodies. Simple, yeah? LOL! We all know it's not as easy as it looks. But it can be if we allow God's process to stay at work in us. And that's why I think in this part of our journey it does seem simpler. We have had to go through a lot for these steps to seem easier. We are just more prideful and more stubborn than most I guess ;-).

I am thankful that even though I don't feel amazing, I have the faith to believe that I will. God's Word is so powerful. Just have to get intimate with His Word and KISS it sometimes :-)